Are You like the Boiling Frog?

Here's a parable about a boiling frog;

First. A frog is put into a pot of water. The water happens to be boiling. The frog jumps out of the water immediately. If the water level is low, the frog still jumps as vehemently as he possibly could and gets out of the pot.

Second. The same frog is put into a pot of water. This time the water is pleasant. The frog is lying happily and enjoying his time. The water in the pot is slowly heated. At points, the frog does get upset but doesn't do much. The temperature keeps rising. There comes a time when the water is boiling, and it's too late for the frog to jump out since he can almost not do anything in water as hot as that. The frog is boiled. Alive.

The following is taken and adapted from an article written by Jerome Murray, PhD during 2001.
As you are reading thisliterally thousands of people are being abused by someone who is supposed to love them. Are you one of them?

If you are, you should take action today. Failure to take action can destroy your potential and that of your children to live happy, productive lives. It can even result in your death.

Abuse is illegal, immoral, and inhumane.

Do you know when a bad relationship becomes an abusive one? Do you know what abuse is?

Abuse is any pattern of behavior by one partner in a relationship which threatens the physical, mental, or emotional well-being of the other partner. Physical abuse is the easiest type to recognize and condemn, but it's not the only kind. Abuse can be physical, emotional, or both.

If it's a physical attack on your body it's physical abuse.

If it's a verbal attack on you as a person it's emotional abuse. It's not as quite easy to identify, but can be just as deadly. Physical abuse harms the body. Emotional abuse harms your self-esteem. Either type can threaten your life in one way or another.

Any person who abuses someone they are supposed to love has an illness. Any person who deals with tension symptoms by hurting or attacking others is sick.

Consider these 12 steps:

DON'T ACCEPT ABUSE
Don't tell yourself after you have been abused, "Maybe he won't do it again." Once is too much. When the abuser abuses you he loses respect for you and that makes it easier to abuse you again. You also lose respect for yourself and that makes it easier for you to accept the abuse again. It will just get worse. Stop it now. Heed the story of the boiling Frog.

TAKE ABUSE SERIOUSLY
Aside from the physical and emotional pain, abuse is life-threatening. Take abuse seriously. It is life-threatening. Heed the story of the boiling Frog.

TAKE EMOTIONAL ABUSE AS SERIOUSLY AS YOU TAKE PHYSICAL ABUSE.
Emotional abuse erodes self-esteem until you can no longer function effectively and you die slowly as a person. Emotional abuse creates a vicious cycle. Being abused makes you feel guilty, fearful, and helpless. Both must be taken seriously. Heed the story of the boiling Frog.

DON'T BELIEVE IT'S YOUR FAULT.
No one deserves to be abused. Abuse happens because of problems within the abuser, not because the abuse is deserved. Also, don't believe him when he says, "This will teach you a lesson." He's not abusing you to teach you a lesson. He's abusing you so he can regain control and feel powerful. Besides, abuse doesn't teach anything but fear and avoidance. Abuse doesn't make people better it makes both the abuser and the abused worse. Get it out of your head that abuse can be deserved. - NO ONE DESERVES TO BE ABUSED! Heed the story of the boiling Frog.

DON'T ACCEPT EXCUSES.
Drinking is not an excuse, being uptight is not an excuse, having a bad day is not an excuse, etc. etc. etc. It's not all right! Abusing someone you are supposed to love is an illness. Heed the story of the boiling Frog.

DON'T CONFUSE LOVE WITH ABUSE.
Don't think if you try to stop the abuse you will lose the love of the person abusing you. An abusive person doesn't have the ability to love maturely. In order to give healthy love the abuser must be stopped from abusing. Stopping the abuse won't stop the love. In fact, it may be the only way the abuser will be motivated to get help and learn to love healthily. Seek counseling. Get the abuser to seek counseling.

DON'T DEAL WITH CONFLICTS WHEN THEY ARE HOT
Do not try to resolve conflicts when emotions are sizzling. When one or both of you is hot then judgment and reason are impaired. That is no time to attempt to solve problems. The task is to calm down. Continuing to throw words at each other only escalates the anger. Take a walk. Run around the block. Let some time pass. Cool off. When both of you are calm then talk about issues and share feelings. If it gets hot again, stop. If you can't resolve issues when you are calm go and get help from somewhere. Seek counseling. Get the abuser to seek counseling.

DON'T USE ABUSE TO STOP ABUSE
It will mess up your life and the lives of your children. Fighting back when someone is abusing you isn't a solution. It's a recipe for tragedy. This doesn't mean you shouldn't protect yourself, you should. Protect yourself by getting out and getting help. Only use force when absolutely necessary to stop an immediate and inescapable threat. Then get more permanent help. Don't fight violence with more violence. Seek counseling. Get the abuser to seek counseling.

INSIST ON PROFESSIONAL HELP.
If you are unable to help yourself go immediately to a professional for help. Go together. If your partner does not agree that his behavior is unacceptable, kick him out or get out yourself. If the abuse results in physical or emotional damage, get out now! Don't wait to see if it stops. The very next time could be too late. Ironically, the best chance the relationship has for success is to emphatically oppose abuse by severing the relationship. If the partner has any regard for you he will work to get you back. However, do not come back until the abuser has sought professional help and the therapist recommends it. If you are abused again, get out permanently. Seek counseling. Get the abuser to seek counseling.

CONSIDER THE DAMAGE TO YOUR CHILDREN.
If your children are not already being abused the odds are they soon will be. An abuser invariably turns his abuse on his children. Children are helpless victims who rely on their parents to protect them. The damage to a child is psychological as well as physical. What do you think it does to a child to both fear and love a parent at the same time ? What do you think it does to a child to see someone they love being hurt, and feel helpless? What is the child learning about marriage and about relationships? Seek counseling. Get the abuser to seek counseling.

CONSIDER THE DAMAGE TO THE ABUSER
If you don't stop the abuse he will never have a healthy relationship, or know real love. He will never be close to his children or grow to his full potential. Abuse prevents the abuser having really good relationships. Seek counseling. Get the abuser to seek counseling.

BE PREPARED TO LEAVE.
You can never live with someone else successfully until you can live with yourself successfully. If you are an emotional or financial hostage you are vulnerable to continued abuse. Get out. Temporary inconvenience will be offset by your opportunity to take control of your life and make it beautiful. Seek counseling. Get the abuser to seek counseling.