Are You a Loser?

I think the age for ridiculousness used to be 30, but in this day and age, no one over the age of 25 should respectfully be living at home with mom. Living with your parents is a complete turn-off to potential lover interests whether you're a man or a woman. Actually, if you do live at home and are dating someone who thinks it's 'ok' to live at home still you should probably be looking into a new love interest. Those are the types of counterparts who will be just as seersucking as you if you're not careful! Living at home with Mom is a sure sign that you are not independent, responsible or mature. If you're mooching off your parents, or any other member of the family for that matter, it is time to put the big-boy pants on and get right with yourself.

Video games are way more important than... well, just about anything else.

It's hard to believe that nerdiness actually lived through the 80's, but sadly enough there are still folks out there who think their video game consoles are their soul mates. This is a very unhealthy lifestyle and hopefully you can identify yourself here and get out for some fresh air.

I'd rather work than date.

Have you actually said that out loud? If you're not dating because you're a workaholic you are doing one of two things: 1) depriving yourself of vital social time or 2) saving some poor woman the pain of watching you work yourself to death. Really, try to get out more and you'll be less criticized for it. You may even start feeling a little bit better emotionally, come on, admit it, you know you're feeling like something is amiss.

You're friends are all 'busy'.

'Busy' is just a nice way of saying 'we don't want to hang out with you'. If you have recently found yourself being ditched left and right it might be time to get to the bottom of it. Are you doing something to drive your friends away? Time to start knocking on a few doors.

You laugh at everything.

Everyone loves the funny guy, but do you really have a clue what's going on? In order to be 'socially correct' you need to have a grasp of what is really going on around you. Laugh when it is appropriate, don't just laugh to impress someone else or to appear like you know what's happening at the moment.

You are recognized by the beer you drink.

If I know what you drink before I know your name we have a problem. I realized, working as a bartender years ago, that many of my customers were identified as Bud Light, Coors or Michelob. I don't think I ever really knew their names and I don't think they even cared either as long as I got their drinks right. If you're spending more time drinking than 'getting on' with life then it's absolutely time for a major reassessment.

Your clothes are all worn out and you haven't even noticed yet.

Ok, we all fall on hard times, and with today's economy it's not as hard to do it as it used to be. However, personal appearance is a biggie. You must be in control of your appearance. Scruffy, haven't shaved in three weeks, old musty clothes just doesn't scream 'Respect Me!' like you think it would. It's ok if you can't afford all the fancy new duds that some people are donning, however it would benefit you (and your psyche) to grab some new clothes or at least some respectable second-hand garb.

Those Voices in your head don't ever seem to stop talking.

That's just scary. If you are hearing voices in your head you should totally get that checked out.

You managed to get a date but you make her pay.

That's just a cardinal no-no. I actually had this happen to me once. Yes, I paid (that was before I grew a pair) but dumped the guy the next week. If you ask a girl out it is the chivalrous thing to pay for her meal and entertainment. Asking the girl to pay her part or all of it earns you a direct ticket to loser-ville.

You aren't up on current events.

Yeah, you thought you were going to escape the entire list unscathed didn't you! Not knowing what is going on in the world is a major killer and completely worthy of loserdom. How can you keep from being labeled a loser on this point alone? Watch the news, read a paper, heck you can even read a tabloid! Use at least a little bit of that brain you allegedly have up there in that head of yours. A good knowledge of current events will win you major points with just about anyone and can sure make you look good too.