Are You More Compassionate Than a 5th Grader? the Dalai Lama Speaks to Students in Seattle

For a couple of weeks now, I've wondered - would my fifth grade son really get this whole "compassion thing" behind the Seeds of Compassion event held here in Seattle this week? Would he have enough patience to be respectful in listening to His Holiness, the 14th Dalai Lama speaking today? Would he be at all interested in what the Dalai Lama had to say? Would he even understand him through his accent?

I needn't have worried. Matthew came bounding through the door, full of enthusiasm and excitement over the day-long program that included a presentation by the Dalai Lama as just one of several that the kids heard throughout the morning at the Seattle Center. "We got to hear Ishmael Beah speak! You know, the man who wrote A Long Way Gone, and he talked about how it was really hard to forgive the people who had treated him so badly. But he found compassion for them because he thought it was the right thing to do. Treating them badly would just make it worse."

I actually didn't recall the author specifically myself, but we have the book here at home so he brought it over to me, saying, "See? This one!" Clearly, he's been paying more attention than I have. It is quite possible that I am not as smart as a fifth grader.

Matthew also must have listened intently to a Native American story shared with the students today about Mountain Lion, Bear, Coyote and Eagle trying to hold a conference and not appreciating the disruption caused when Rabbit begins to sing and beat on a drum. He recited to me the entire tale of how Mountain Lion and Bear each tear off an arm to get Rabbit to quit but still he finds a way to sing, beating the drum first with his other arm, and then with a foot when he runs out of arms. When Coyote tears off a leg, he uses his tail. Even when the Eagle takes Rabbit's head, the song continues because it's coming from his heart.

Eventually, Rabbit is put back together again when the other animals realize that a song coming from the heart cannot be stopped. This is, of course, a paraphrase of a young person's interpretation of what he heard from the Native American storyteller, and even so, the deeper meaning behind the tale comes through loud and clear.

His Holiness, the Dalai Lama was just as clear when it was his turn to speak, despite the accent I'd worried about as a mother. For Matthew, the most important thing he talked about was how compassion connects us all, that it's at the core of every culture. Sitting together on the couch after school this afternoon, Matthew also shared with me what he learned today about how violence does not counteract violence, that we must use compassion to make things better. "It may not seem to help at first; it may take time [to work], like saving money to buy a dog." Wise words from an 11-year-old.

The only thing lacking in Matthew's mind was more time with the Dalai Lama. "It was like those restaurants with mondo salad appetizers and a small main course. I would have liked to have him stay longer." I'm sure His Holiness would be pleased to know that the seeds of compassion that he sowed today landed on such fertile ground.

But what does compassion look like in the real world to a fifth grader, I wondered. Having one handy, I asked for his views on the matter. What I got was a treasure trove of practical suggestions based on the simple notions of respecting others and making them feel better when they don't feel good.

"If a child is crying because his dog is lost, give him comfort. For instance, you can help him make a lost dog poster."

"People just want to be heard and feel like they're understood. Say you're talking about art together, [it's not good if you,] right in the middle, start talking about something different."

"If someone is looking for other kids to play with, it would be nice to play with them because otherwise they might be lonely."

And what had this 5th grader wondered himself before hearing the Dalai Lama speak? He wanted to know "how... compassion [would] affect a person's life in a big way." And what he came away with in that department was a sense that "doing bad things might get you what you want in the beginning but doesn't make you feel better. Acts of kindness are remembered longer than bad things and have more of an impact and longer value. Compassion might be tough at first, but it gets easier after you get past feeling awkward. [It's] sort of like feeling shy, and learning [how to] meet people."

Matthew also appreciated the Dalai Lama's sense of humor, saying it really appealed to the kids. He liked that the Dalai Lama talked about how even though he's an adult himself, that it's important to treat kids better because they're the ones who will be the next adults and if they don't have a good understanding of compassion themselves, they'll have a tougher time making good decisions.

As for what gets in the way of showing compassion, Matthew's top three after today's program were angry impulses, feeling like nothing is worthwhile, and first assumptions. The antidote to these is to slow down and stop and think about first reactions and the assumptions that we make.

Although many people in Seattle have had opportunities to hear the Dalai Lama speak sometime during this 5-day Seeds of Compassion event, Matthew was quick to point out that not everyone has heard him in person. Still, he feels it has been an "uplifting experience just to have had him in our town," and he urges people to try to see the Dalai Lama another time. "You could really tell [the kids] were all excited - kids were looking toward the stage and paid lots of attention to what he had to say."

Being a kid, it's not too surprising that the most interesting aspect of the day was something a bit more tangible - the t-shirts that the kids all got to wear as their entry ticket. He showed off the "simple design that can mean a lot of things," saying that the thing it meant to him was that compassion, signified by the heart inside the base of a lotus flower, is at the root of who people are.

On the back of the t-shirt is a triangle of ideas, all interconnected to show how compassion works - Respect for Self, Respect for Others, and Responsibility for Actions. If Matthew's experience is typical, it was a definition of compassion that made sense to the kids. As he explained to me about what he learned today, "compassion has many different meanings but people can come to agreement about compassion even if they don't agree about other things." His own definition of compassion is that it is "a necessity, because without compassion, everything else is meaningless."

Hearing my son talk like this, it occurred to me to wonder how often kids are inspired to this degree by anyone, let alone by a foreign head of state. I am left feeling grateful that the Dalai Lama has made himself available to so many people on this visit and that one of them was my son, a fifth grader who will carry this experience with him all the way into his adult years.

Asking him what it was he'd remember when he's older, Matthew's reply was, "When I'm 30, I'll remember that even though the Dalai Lama is just one person, even one person can make a big difference and affect a lot of people."