Are You the Next American Idol?

From Kelly Clarkson to David Cook, all of our American Idols have had certain traits in common. Just for fun, let's look beyond their pretty faces and great voices. Maybe we'll discover the secret formula for American Idol success!

Do you think you have what it takes to be the next American Idol? Before you try out for the next season of American Idol and make a complete fool of yourself, you better take this very unscientific, silly quiz. Cheating won't help you. Good luck, American Idol-wannabes! Get out a piece of scratch paper and keep track of your score as you go.

1. Are you a girl?

Yes = 2 points

No = 1.5 points

I don't know! = 0 points

2. Can you sing?

My momma says I sing great! = 0 points

My vocal coach thinks I'm amazing! = 0 points

My best friend ripped his ears clean off his head the last time I sang "Happy Birthday." = 0 points

I have a very unique voice. = -10 points (that's NEGATIVE 10 points, okay?)

I had a recording contract once, but nobody bought my album. = 0.5 points

I'm a good singer, but I still have a lot to learn. = 5 points

3. How many syllables are in your last name?

1 syllable = 3 points

2 or 3 syllables = 2 points

Other = 0 points

4. How old are you? Are you a girl or boy American Idol-wannabe? (Sorry to ask again. It's not that I didn't believe you before.)

I'm a girl between the ages of 16 and 22. = 3 points

I'm a boy between the ages of 16 and 23. = 0 points

I'm a girl, and I'm older than 22. = 0 points

I'm not a boy. I'm a MAN between the ages of 24 and 28. = 2 points

I'm younger than 16 (girl or boy). = 0 points

I'm older than 28 (woman or man). = 0 points

5. In what month were you born?

December = 2 points

Other = 0.5 points

6. What's your Chinese astrological sign (animal)? (Click here to find out, if you don't already know.)

Dog = 2 points

Other = 0.5 points

7. Where were you born?

Texas = 2 points

Oklahoma, Alabama, North Carolina, or Arizona = 1 point

Any other U.S. state not already listed = 0 points

Outside of the U.S., but still on Planet Earth = 0.5 points

Uranus = 0 points

8. On what day of the month were you born?

Any two-digit number = 2 points

Any one-digit number = 0.5 points

Any three-digit number = Really? (0 points)

9. What color is your hair?

Dark (black or brown) = 2 points

Light (blonde or gray) = 1 point

10. How many syllables are in your first name?

2 = 2 points

3 = 0.5 points

Other = 0 points

11. Are you a "rocker"?

Yes = 0.5 points

No = 2 points

12. Do you know how good you are as a singer/performer?

Yes = 0 points

No = 2 points

American Idol Quiz Results

How'd you do? Are you American Idol material?

Assuming that all of our seven previous American Idols took this quiz while they were still contestants on the show, here is how they scored:

If my math and facts are correct (and they're probably not), Kelly Clarkson has scored 28 points. Jordin Sparks has earned 26.5 points. David Cook has earned 26 points. Carrie Underwood has scored 23 points. Fantasia Barrino has scored 22.5 points. Ruben Studdard has earned 22 points. And, with a solid 21 points, Taylor Hicks has come in last (but not least, unless you're judging him by his record sales, and I don't think that's very fair of you...Oh, come now, we all know Chris Daughtry should have won American Idol Season Five!). So, judging from those numbers, any score above a 20 is excellent.

Go try out for American Idol next summer, all of you crazy kids who didn't cheat your way to 20 or more points on my silly, unscientific American Idol quiz!

Age Matters on American Idol

If you scored way less than 20 on my American Idol quiz, it might be because you're too young or too old to audition for American Idol anyway. According to Wikipedia, "For the first three seasons, (a contestant) had to be 16 to 24 years of age on October 19 of the year of audition. Since the fourth season, the upper age limit was raised to 28 with an earlier cutoff date, August 4" (full article found here). Don't cry. I'm too old to audition for American Idol now, too. Without a time machine, I will never become the next American Idol. (Uh, even with a time machine, I don't have a shot in hell.) I'd also suggest a time machine for female contestants over the tender age of 22. Go back and audition when you were 18, ladies! Kelly Clarkson was 20 when she won American Idol, Fantasia was 19, Carrie Underwood was 22, and Jordin Sparks was 17. I'd love to see an "older" woman win, but I'm afraid it's not very likely. America does, however, prefer "older" American Idol men. Ruben Studdard and David Cook were 25 when they won American Idol, and Taylor Hicks was an ancient 29!

Personality Matters Big Time on American Idol

I awarded all seven previous American Idols with 5 points for question number 2, and 2 points for question number 12. We like humble contestants, don't we? We don't want seasoned professionals who once had record deals to become our next American Idol. We like to see our American Idols stumble along the way, and gradually blossom into superstars. It can't be too easy, or else it's just not fair! We like "raw, natural" talent. So please don't tell us about all the musicals you've starred in, Adam! It's best not to look too professional too soon...

Can we predict our next American Idol or not?

I did my darndest to come up with a formula for American Idol success, studying all the winners' names, birthdates, ages, zodiac symbols, birthplaces, family backgrounds, level of education, and hair color, and based this quiz on the few similarities and trends I discovered. I was so desperate to find common ground, I resorted to using the number of syllables in Idols' first and last names! To keep things relatively simple, I only focused on the seven American Idol winners.

According to their biographies on Wikipedia:

Jordin Sparks and David Cook were both born in December. David Cook and Kelly Clarkson were both born in Texas in 1982, and are dogs, according to the Chinese zodiac. All seven of our past American Idol winners have unique sun signs: Kelly Clarkson is Taurus, Ruben Studdard is Virgo, Fantasia is Cancer, Carrie Underwood is Pisces, Taylor Hicks is Libra, Jordin Sparks is Capricorn, and David Cook is Sagittarius. Ruben Studdard is the only American Idol who was born outside of the U.S. (he was born in Germany to American parents). Taylor Hicks is the only American Idol who was born on a single-digit day of the month. David Cook and Carrie Underwood both have college degrees. Taylor Hicks didn't finish college. Ruben Studdard attended Alabama A & M University, but I couldn't find out for sure whether or not he graduated. We've had more girl winners than boy winners, but I predict that this season of American Idol will even things out.

American Idol Season Eight Predictions

I'm writing this before the top twelve finalists of American Idol Season Eight have all been selected. I predict that Adam Lambert, Danny Gokey, Allison Iraheta, and Lil Rounds will be in the top four. I'd personally like to see either Adam or Danny win this year's competition. Adam Lambert and Danny Gokey are both attractive, older guys with great voices. Danny doesn't know how he good he is, which really helps him. I'm afraid that Adam does know how good he is, which might turn off voters in the long run.

Unfortunately, there is no magic formula that determines American Idol success. Look beyond an American Idol's great smile, big voice, flawless hair and skin, and what do you see? Someone just like you? I doubt it...but I'd love to watch you prove me wrong on next season's American Idol!

Sources:

http://www.astrology.com/allaboutyou/sunsigns/

http://chinese.astrology.com/

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/American_Idol

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_American_Idol_finalists

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kelly_Clarkson

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ruben_Studdard

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fantasia_Barrino

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Carrie_Underwood

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Taylor_Hicks

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jordin_Sparks

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/David_Cook_(singer)