Are Puppies & Dogs Better Than Babies & Children?

Dogs do not cost as much as babies. Babies are damn expensive things that will suck your wallet dry with myriad medical bills, vast quantities of diapers and therapy, should you suffer from post-natal depression.

Dogs are relatively cheap and will almost certainly not give you post-natal depression unless you have had some kind of bizarre inter-species relationship. Baby's make high pitched screaming noises whenever they are hungry, upset or bothered in some way. God in his infinite wisdom made this noise the most ear-splittingly annoying thing he could imagine and as a frequent train-rider I can attest to the awfulness of having to listen to baby-screams for just a few minutes never mind day after day or night after night. Dogs may yap and whine a little as puppies but you are much more likely to throw a baby out the window than a puppy on a noise level, which brings me to the cuteness factor. Puppies are way cuter than babies. Babies are ugly veiny little things who seem to constantly make weird faces as if trying to decide whether they should pass gas or not. Puppies have in general the same expression of loving devotion whether playing, sleeping or indeed farting. In general they don't cry like a little bitch every time you pick them up and won't scream like a banshee should you leave them alone for 5 minutes.

You don't have to worry about sending your Dog to College and you won't have to buy your Dog a Cell-Phone, Text-Messenger, Personal Lap-Top Computer, CB Radio or any other personal electronic gadget that youngsters today seem to feel are required accessorizing. Dogs do not give you any Sass/Back-talk. Even if they think you're a complete dope they can't vocalize these opinions whereas children will go out of their way to deride their uncool parents at least at some point in their teenage years.

Dogs will not plot to murder you, torture you, hit you up for money, tell your friends about the weird things you do with the vacuum cleaner, embarrass you in front of your friends, scream 'I hate you and I wish you were dead!', annoy you by having various parts of their anatomy pierced or tattooed or place you in a home for the elderly after your 50th birthday. On the other hand Children tend not to pee or poo on your rug after the age of say 2 whereas dogs when they are feeling you aren't paying them enough attention may poop and pee with abandon on that expensive new rug you just bought.

Dogs will in general eat what they're given whereas children will moan and complain about being given a healthy school-lunch. Children will not up and die between the ages of 10-17 whereas dogs have sadly a limited lifespan, just long enough that you can get close enough to them to be totally devastated on their passing. Dogs however will not go on shooting rampages killing school-mates and making the front page of every newspaper around the country. Dogs (especially female ones) may unexpectedly give birth to a multitude of puppies before the age of 3. Thankfully, you will have to wait a few more years before this becomes your child's issue. Children can catch lethal human diseases whereas doggies cannot.

You don't have to worry about your dog being gay because a: It doesn't really matter and b: how can you tell, since they hump legs, furniture as well as any stationary dog in the vicinity. Finally and most importantly of all you can actually pick your cute little puppy dog. Unfortunately unless you adopt your child will suffer from any and every ugly stick you may have hit on the way down the ugly tree you might have been sitting on.