Are School PDA Rules Hindering Relationship Development?

There is a constant, virtual debate between parents and schools. Parents are responsible for raising children, teaching morals and helping children develop good relationship skills they'll use throughout adulthood. Schools are given the power to reinforce parental guidance in a way that meets the needs of the masses; schools cannot tailor social growth programs to match parenting style and focus for each child. The virtual debate ensues when a school system supports values and lifestyle choices clearly opposite those of the parent (s); such is the case with public displays of affection (PDA). School systems have rules in place to stop PDA, but what is the potential long-term effect on relationships when children and teens are told not to touch?

Elementary to Middle to High School: Rules Changes

In elementary school, students are encouraged to support fellow classmates. I have two children in second grade and they often come home talking about hugging this classmate who hurt themselves in gym class or hugging their favorite teacher in the hallway. PDA is encouraged in elementary school.

Move on to middle school and the rules change dramatically. Recently, my middle school daughter, age 13, was reprimanded in front of a huge group of people for hugging her basketball teammate. On the court, teammates are encouraged to display emotions, including hugging and hand slapping. Off the court, the school enforces a no PDA policy. Students are not allowed to touch in any way. No hand holding, no hugging; nothing.

When students reach high school, the rules change, but just a bit. Students are allowed to hold hands and hug for a maximum of three seconds, in my eldest daughter's high school.

Touch Improves Social Relationship Skills and Health

According to Sylvia Clare, a psychologist, physical touch is avoided in schools for legal purposes, but the aversion to touch can lead to an under-appreciation for the role of touch in human and relationship development. Children grow up with less compassion. They feel emotionally isolated and may tend to accept inappropriate touching because they have no other form of physical contact.

Touch is also important for overall health and wellness. According to the Touch Research Institute, touch reduces feelings of stress and depression. Stress is associated with reduced brain developed and depression can be associated with reduced attentiveness and detachment from social situations and peer relationships.

School systems must have rules in place to control PDA, but rules that ban all touching may contribute to depression, stress, anxiety, reduced attention span, inability to bond with peers and trust issues with adults.

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