Are Your Standards Reasonable?

You hear women say it all the time. "I was out of his league," or "I could never get a guy like that to date me. I'm stuck with losers for the rest of my life." These types of things are said by overly confident women or very insecure women. The insecure ones tend to lower their standards, because they're afraid that if they're overly picky, they won't end up with anyone. So, they tolerate less than gentlemanly behavior because they think it's all they can get. They don't realize they deserve better. Same goes for the super confident women who are always single because no one is good enough for them to date. They tolerate absolutely nothing, so no guy lasts because these women are quickly disappointed. Both groups of women are making big mistakes. They have to learn to make a compromise with themselves, which can be a challenging feat.

First off, let's deal with the insecure girls. These girls often don't know what they want, all they know is that they want a boyfriend. So, the first guy that comes along they fall into a relationship with and hold onto for dear life. The guy could be a total jerk, but the girl is afraid that no other guy will try to date her, so she feels that she should go for the first guy that asks her out. The relationship, no matter how bad it is, provides some form of security for the girl, so she creates a false sense of happiness in her head.

Chances are she has never made a list of traits and qualities she seeks in a guy. This is a good thing for every girl to do, because she's basically making a statement of what she wants personally from a guy and it helps her visualize the perfect one. Too many girls sell themselves short of this. Let's say a girl wants a guy who has a car, is good looking, successful, and considerate. She meets a guy who has a car and is good looking, but he's inconsiderate and doesn't know what he wants in life. She figures, "Oh well, he's got 50% of the qualities I'm seeking, and I can't be too picky, otherwise I'll end up alone." So she settles for some lame guy who treats her less than she deserves to be treated! The problem? She wasn't picky enough.

Now let's take a look at the super confident, ultra-picky girl. This lady has got what she wants in a guy down to the tee. She has several prospective guys ask her out on dates. She maybe decides to go out with one of them. They never make it past the first date. Let's sneak a peek at her list of traits desired in a guy. She wants someone that dresses well, is wealthy, caring, funny, and attractive. The guy she goes on the date with is very caring, has a great sense of humor, is good-looking, and has an overall good sense of style. However, he comes from a lower-middle class family. He's out! All because he didn't have one trait on her list, and a superficial one at that. She just cheated herself out of a potentially good relationship with someone, even though in her mind she thought she was doing the right thing. And in a sense, she's got the right idea going. She feels she should only have what she deserves: the very best. However, she's taking it to an extreme in a different sense.

First off, all girls needs to recognize their self worth. Try looking in the mirror and telling yourself just how fabulous you are. It might seem a little ackward and strange at first, but do it anyway. Practice makes perfect, and the more often you do it, the easier it becomes. You need to acknowledge that you are an incredible human being, and deserve the best for you. What is the "best"? There is no universal definition. Every girl wants something different in her ideal man. The best way to handle this is to make a list (as long or short as you need it to be), writing down every single trait you would like in your perfect man.

Next, examine those traits. Place them into two categories: "Essential" and "Non-essential". For instance, "essential" traits could be things such as loyal, non-abusive, no substance abuse, and someone with goals. Examples of "non essential" traits would be things such as whether or not he is good at volleyball, drives a nice car, and wears designer clothes. Of course, if a girl can find a guy that has all the traits she wants, then she is in luck. But realistically, no one is perfect, and that's okay. A guy should have at least 75% of the traits you want, and most of them should be essential traits. Essential traits are the most important, because they make or break a relationship. Dating a guy who is an alcoholic is going to cause a lot more problems down the road than dating a guy who has a slightly less than savvy fashion-sense. With a little tutoring, you can have your guy dressing great in no time. Helping a guy recover from alcoholism, however, can be a huge challenge and is not always met with success.

Another important note: always be open-minded. I always said I would only date surfers, but I've met some great guys that didn't happen to surf. If you are pretty rigid about the type of person you want to date, and get hung up on all the small, superficial details, then you're probably not going to have a very active or interesting dating life. Sometimes if you take a chance, you'll end up being pleasantly surprised. The point is to not expect too much, but not to expect too little either. You shouldn't allow a guy to treat you shabbily; if he shows up late five minutes for a date and apologizes, that's fine. If he hits you or gets aggressive over an altercation, then that should never be tolerated. The key is to know what makes you happy and what doesn't. If you find a guy that spends more of his time making you happy than unhappy, I'd say you've found a pretty good guy.