Are There Different Kinds of Love?

On occasion, I feel somewhat guilty for being so happy, and in love, again. Here's why I think I feel guilty: maybe, perhaps, this new current love is here and happening right now, or maybe, perhaps, it's even better than the others I have loved. Can this be? Is it right? Am I an awful person for saying such things, for thinking such things?

This new love has a history though, we were friends for a very long time before getting "involved" with one another - maybe that is the difference?

Yes, of course I loved my late husband and still do. Yes, it's a different love than I feel, right now, in this new relationship. I have to always keep that in my mind; but why? Why not just let it unfold naturally instead of analyzing every little thought that enters my brain? Is it because I do feel guilty and I need to "justify" my feelings? Good grief.

Why do I feel like I don't deserve to love and be loved again? Maybe that is the question I need to ask myself. I don't think I was a horrible wife to my late husband. I do, however, think I had my focus on other things. I didn't trust God, at all. I realize that now.

Some of my friends have even been so bold as to tell me, to my face, that I was miserable back then, or so it seemed to them, and today I show to be so much happier; that I am a changed person.

I can't really blame them, my friends. They were only reacting to what I let them see.

Yes, I was in love once. And it was real. And it was deep. And it was commitment and loyalty. My late husband loved me more than I loved him, it is true and that is why I think I don't deserve love again, today.

But if I can look at it like this - that my husband loved me so much that he filled me up and now I have something to give back to someone else, then maybe I can get on with it.

These are just random thoughts, and I'll probably change my mind about it all tomorrow.

I'll still be in love though.

And yes, it is weird, sometimes, to say that I am in love again. But it may not have anything at all to do with what you may think. I have my reasons; real or false.

Overcoming fear is a process and I have to TRUST GOD to remove it from me, see me through it, and let Him fill me up, on His time, His Will.

What was done is done. What happened happened, period. I'm done. It is time for me to move on, with memories in tow and hopefully have learned a lesson or two along the way.