Are You Verbally Abused?

Most people think that if they were being abused they would know it. Obviously, physical abuse is blatently apparent to the person being shoved or slapped. What is more difficult to determine is how to discern if you are in a verbally abusive relationship. Harsh words do not leave bruises on the flesh. Snide and caustic remarks do not require a trip to the emergency room. This kind of abuse may actually be such a common occurance in the home that it is accepted as normal. The abuser most often does not know he or she is in fact an abuser. Most often in their minds they are just being funny. As is usually the case the verbal abuse starts very early on in the relationship. It can be as slow and insidious as a growing cancer. One of the first signs that you are in a verbally abusive relationships is when the jokes about you only seem funny to the comedian dolling them out. If someone who professes to love you consistently makes jokes about your body or your intellegence there is a problem. When a person acts hurt and trys to speak to their abuser about this usually they are told that they don't know how to have fun. It's thrust back on the abused person that because they are not able to take a joke they in fact have the problem.

When abuse of this nature begins it may sometimes leave the injured person so shocked that it is not immediately addressed. Usually a substantial amount of time goes by wherein the abuser now has an open door to ever escalating verbal jabs and taunts. The self esteem of the one on the recieving end of such treatment begins to nose dive. It's widely known that the unsuspecting victim begins to believe they are ugly or stupid. The power in the home becomes so missaligned that the abuse victim often feels helpless. Here is one of the key goals of a verbal abuser. He or she must have all or most of the decision making authority in the home to feel superior if only in his own mind. The abuser most often was raised in a verbally abusive home. A child that is constantly told they are dumb or reminded how much parents have sacrificed for him grows up to repeat the pattern. This child must somehow prove to the world that he is smart and strong. He must make sure no one will ever stomp on his ego again. It becomes normal for him to stay on top of anyone else in his home especially his significant other.

If you are in a situation where you are not free to express your opinions without fear of recrimination than you are in an abusive relationship. If you have carpeted your home with wall to wall eggshells you are in trouble. No one should be made to feel less than their partner. When your husband or wife pulls in to the driveway at the end of a long day and you feel a massive adrenaline rush you need to investigate why. Here are a few simple questions to ask yourself if you are trying to figure out if you are verbally abused. Does my partner listen to my concerns about our relationship and is open to calm discussion? Do I have the freedom to come and go in my home? Does my partner question where I've been and whom I've been talking to? Do I freely voice my opinions on current news events or current family events without fear? Am I the same person I was before I became involved in this relationship? If you answered no to even one of these questions then it is time to take care of yourself.

One of the first things you can do is to find a good counselor. Your mind may be so mixed up that you are not sure if this is abuse or not. A counselor can help you sort things out. A trusted pastor or friend may also be helpful. Some people that are in the inner circle of a verbally abused person have known for a long time that there is a problem. If you are in the habit of staying quiet for self preservation it is time to start talking to someone. No one deserves to be verbally assaulted. It is often easier to get over a slap in the face than it is to recover from years of being put down. It is not an easy journey to recover from such a situation but it is possible. Learn as much about verbal abuse and those that perpetrate it before you begin to fight for your right to be who you were meant to be. Be sure to build a strong foundation of mental clarity through therapy or faith building networks. Surround yourself with loving and supportive people. Once you understand what you are dealing with you can begin to make small changes and move forward. You can only change yourself and your own thoughts about who you are. Turn down the outer volume and turn up your inner volume and set yourself free.