Are We Our Own Enemy ?

We want our children to succeed. We, the parents, put more effort into it than anybody else to guarantee a successful career path for them. Years before it is time for them to apply for college or universities, we work hard to perfect their resume. We juggle between responsibilities to make sure they get great education. At the same time our weekends also get taken up to meet the deadlines and maintain the schedules so that our children can have the perfect track record of an all rounder. The goal is to see them get accepted to a prestigious school. That will, in turn, guarantee good education, which will translate into high paying job and financial security. We think that is what our responsibilities entail.

Parents who detect the slightest athletic talent in their children, take it to a greater length. On many occasions the minor league baseball has seen meltdowns by the coaches, and parents alike. We cross the limit and act in such a way that portrays how vulnerable we are to the pressure. Some parents also try to relive their lives through their children. It becomes the child's responsibility to fulfill the dreams that did not get realized in their lives. We tend to seek the achiever in them.

We worry about peer pressure at school, but don't we ourselves put too much pressure on our children in every possible way to go beyond their limits ? We forget to appreciate that each child is unique with his or her own preferences and desires. I remember when I first enrolled my son for Piano lessons, he did not say 'no'. However, his constant struggle and reluctance to excel the art has given me enough indication to realize he will never be a Pianist. On the other hand, my daughter cannot seem to keep herself away from the ancient pre-owned piano that we have. My son has found his niche though. He is doing so well in Karate. He knows all the moves by heart ! It is easy to distinguish a child who does not have the drive from a child who just doesn't possess the skills. But we seldom are not ready to take failure as an answer. We push them to the limits where they feel vulnerable. Because of the pressure to succeed they adopt unfair means and also suffer nervous breakdown.

If you haven't heard of Kaavya Viswanathan, you haven't really understood the problem. Let me fill you in. In 2006 there was wide coverage about a Harvard student's plagiarized book. Kaavya Viswanathan, a Harvard student at that time signed a movie contract when her debut novel "How Opal Mehta Got Kissed, Got Wild and Got a Life" was considered a big hit. But subsequently, the book was revealed to have been plagiarized from several sources, namely "Sloppy Firsts" and "Second Helpings", both written by Megan McCafferty. Though Viswanathan has denied the allegations, you can look up the excerpts from both books at Wikipedia and judge for yourself. In fact, it was not the first time a Harvard student had plagiarized contents. Even Harvard professors were caught with such acts in the past. The question is why do we see that ? There is constant pressure to succeed. Failure is not acceptable and there is a continuous battle to do something exceptional to stand out. The situation gets even more problematic with the fact that Harvard itself only condemns such acts in writing, but does very little to bring about a remedy. As Don Irvine wrote : "I guess the message Harvard is sending their students is that we discourage plagiarism but we won't use all the technology tools to catch it so you may get away with it, score a book deal and if you are just clever enough you don't get caught. It's amazing what $40,000 plus a year buys."

The fact is that this problem is worse in reality. First, as I mentioned it is not restricted to the students only. It often involves the very professors who we rely on to educate our children.Second, we know about the high profile Hardvard cases only. In reality, professional jealousy is a normal part of the lives of students and professors at all major institutions. Third, which is the most disturbing of all, it goes beyond the sporadic unethical acts of these students. Less than a week before the news of Viswanathan's plagiarized book controversy broke, the reviewer of "The Harvard Crimson", Elizabeth W. Green wrote : "A little-known fact about Harvard students is that we hate each other almost as much as the rest of the world hates us - maybe more. When one of us succeeds, the rest of us go berserk. Public congratulations barely conceal private disgust, which turns out to be an even poorer mask for deep, soul-burning jealousy and crippling self-doubt."

Moreover, as Lauren Robeson put it : "This misbehavior is unfortunately common by now, to the point where readers don't renounce dishonest or plagiarized books - Viswanathan's made its way up the Amazon.com bestseller list after the scandal broke, and James Frey's books continue to sell - but rather clamor to see the public fallout."

This whole incident reminded me of what I read at the local grocery store the other day. The poster of the Hindi movie "Shootout at Lokhandwala" read :

"What everyone saw was real....

What no one saw was the truth."

Therefore, the question is, what do we really want ? Do we want our children to hold true values? Or do we want them to just "succeed" and not worry about the consequences? It is time to stop and think about it. We have to make the decision now so that our children can grow up as true human beings in the years to come.

Sources:

http://media.sundial.csun.edu/media/storage/paper862/news/2006/05/11/Opinion/Harvard.Students.Plagiarized.Book.Not.Just.A.Joke-1984013.shtml

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kaavya_Viswanathan

http://www.aim.org/don-irvine-blog/harvard-and-plagiarism/

http://www.thecrimson.harvard.edu/article.aspx?ref=513112