Are We Raising a Society Without Manners?

If you have any contact - at all - with children in the teen or tween (10 and up) years I'm certain you're already aware that, in general, kids today are lacking in the manners-department. It seems we're raising a new society; one that isn't too concerned with courtesy, chivalry or even table manners and basic social etiquette. What happened to the good old days when we were taught to speak when spoken to, or to hold the door for the person behind you, to speak in complete sentences or to carry on a polite conversation... or just to chew with your mouth closed??!!

If your household is anything like mine, you're trying to raise your child to be "group appropriate". By that I mean you teach them that they have an effect on others around them and to be aware of themselves; to behave appropriately and in a non-offensive manner. Whether it's being polite, using table manners, speaking clearly instead of the typical teen grunt or shrug, or even to just look at someone when they're speaking; if you're teaching your child the basics of a civilized society you're one in a quickly shrinking circle.

How about table manners? What in the world happened to table manners?? Frankly, I blame one of my all time favorite holiday pics A Christmas Story. Remember the gross dinner scene where Ralphie's little brother shows his mom how "the piggy eats" by snorting through his food and laughing hysterically while bits of chewed food fall from his mouth on to the table and, while Ralphie and his Dad are loosing their appetites from the awful scene, she's just happy he's eating? Yes, it may be the culprit. I've heard so many 30-40something parents (grew up in the time of A Christmas Story) say about their food-spewing, open-mouth chewing kids, "Well, at least she's eating". As if any child would willing starve themselves to death just to prevent having to chew with their mouth closed. C'mon. You may want to check with your pediatrician or family doc, but I'm pretty sure it ain't gonna happen! People used to be concerned about reaching across the table instead of passing or exposing their arm pits by resting their elbows on the table. Knowing what fork went with what course became a real worry in certain settings. Not anymore. Polite dinners have been swallowed up by a world where ignorance is cool and where belching, texting, and mindless chomping like farm animals are all acceptable dinner behaviors.

Another common one is phone etiquette. It astounds me that a generation of children who practically have cell phones growing out of their ears have such terrible manners on the phone! There's no introduction when asking to speak with someone in my household, it's just the pause followed by "Nick there?" That's it. No "Hello Mrs. Hamilton" or "This is so-and-so, can I speak to Nick?".... nothing. And then there's the incessant texting during live interaction with others. Have you ever noticed tweens or teens texting friends while attempting a half-hearted effort to give the appearance of carrying on a conversation with grandma? Or, you're in mid conversation face-to-face and they answer an in-coming call? No "excuse me, I have to take this", or "do you mind, I really need to speak to this person"... nothing. They just answer, as if you aren't really talking. As if you aren't even there.

How about general conversation skills? How many times have you asked how school is going and the response is a forced "fine" or "good" while they stare at the ground. That's it. Not "going well, thank you" or "it's great, how have you been?" Or you ask if they're getting along okay and the response is simply "yeah". What happened to Yes? Forget Sir or Ma'am, I'd be happy with a child adding an S to the word Yeah! I mean, it's fine in a circle of friends or hanging out with the fam but have you ever witnessed your child speaking in a social setting and it nearly killed you to sit idly by while they spoke just a few steps above Cave-child level? The grunts and shrugs in place of words, the complete lack of engaging eye-contact, the beams of "I don't really want to be talking to you" shooting from their facial expression and body language. It's brutal. What happened to a polite handshake when a young guy meets up with an adult? What about a polite smile and a "How are you? from our young ladies?

It's as if children today aren't being taught how to participate in a give and take social circle. It seems that the world of postings, blogs and blurbs have stunted the younger generation's ability to carry on in a functioning society. They're quick to make statements and give answers when they want to be heard, but they seem to lack the general ability to live in the world of polite niceties for the sake of others around them. What I can't understand, however, is why we, as adults, are conforming to this downward spiral of social-skills instead of changing it? Why do we, as parents, lower our expectations instead of raising the bar and giving our kids the tools to maneuver through a pleasant society? Isn't etiquette all about being aware of other people and putting them before our own instant gratification? I mean, don't we cover our mouths if we have indigestion in someone else's presence though if alone we wouldn't bother? Don't we get up from the dinner table and leave the room if we have to blow our nose? It seems that the lack of manners and pleasantries from our kids is just another way we're allowing our children to be out of touch with the considerations of others and instead focused only on their own wants and needs. What kind of world are we letting them create for themselves and for their own children?

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