Arguing with a Friend or Lover:

We all have moments with our spouse, significant other or good friend where we just can't agree. Sometimes it seems no matter how small or major the subject, the argument can escalate out of control until someone's feelings are very hurt, or worse. Here are some tips that you and the people in your life can use the next time you need to discuss a problem.

Schedule a time when neither of you is tired or worn out. Being over worked or experiencing a general lack of sleep can make us more sensitive than we should be to criticism. This will in no way help the two of you get through any issue. The more awake and "with it" you are, the better your chances of successfully resolving a problem.

Avoid harsh criticism; be as positive as possible toward each other. Insults, raising your voice, low blows, and just being generally mean never solved anything. Even through your most upsetting moments, try to maintain some air of positive thinking and resolve.

Try not to interrupt each other! Taking turns listening and talking, you will work through a problem MUCH quicker than if you just treat it as an open forum to do and say what you want, even when the other person is saying something. You'll find that if you hear each other out respectfully, many times the disagreement is just a case of miscommunication in the first place, and the argument can be solved with smiles instead of tears.

Acknowledge their feelings! If they are upset, sad, angry, depressed, etc., there may be a good reason for it. You will never find that reason out, however, by implementing anger and a raised voice as your tactic for discovery. Keep in mind they are probably not happy to be unhappy, and try to help them out of their slump instead of attacking them.

Be reasonable and flexible when working through the issue. Listen to yourself speak all through the argument, are you making any sense or speaking purely out of anger or bitterness? Make sure your argument holds water and you aren't just attacking the person out of rage or pride. If they are right, admit it; if they are wrong, calmly explain why you feel they are wrong and what should change so that you both can be happy again.

Apologize when you are mistaken! So many arguments could end much earlier than they do if one party would just concede and apologize when it is clear they are wrong or had a misconception. Saying "I'm sorry" can go a long way to diffusing a situation! Let the other person know you appreciate them, and try to show affection when working through an argument. Shutting down all your emotions and fighting to the death like a machine is definitely the wrong way to go about solving issues with someone you care for. Let them know that although you may be angry for whatever reason, they are still important to you and you'd rather get to the bottom of things than continue to argue.