Arguing Can Be Healthy for Relationships

Did you know that arguing can be very healthy for relationships? This may be shocking for you to hear but it can be true. The reason why I say this is because if arguing is done in the correct way it can cause a couple to grow closer together. Instead of breaking a couple apart it can enhance their relationship. Arguing can give you the opportunity to truly get to know your partner. In this article I would like to give you some tips on how to have a good fight and how to make it a fair fight. You will also learn how to make it a chance to grow with your partner as a person and a couple.

Analyze What You Are Truly Feeling

The first tip that I would like to give to you is to think about what you are truly arguing about. You may think that you are arguing about something in particular but if you really analyze it you are trying to get another point across. Here is an example for you. You asked your partner to take out the trash and he said that he would. When you arrive home from work you find that he did not take the trash out. You are highly irritated. You ask him why he didn't take the trash out and he tells you that he forgot about it. You might react and say something to him like he doesn't take responsibility for things. Of course, he is going to react in some negative way to you. My tip to you would be to analyze what you are truly feeling before you react. Your true feelings may be that he doesn't care enough about you to take the trash out. Because of this you decide to attack him and tell him that he isn't responsible. A better way to handle the situation would be to have him sit and listen to you for a minute. You can explain to him that when he doesn't take the trash out that it makes you feel that he doesn't care about you. The important thing to remember is that these are your feelings and not his.

How to Explain What You Are Feeling

When you go to explain what you are feeling to your partner the best approach is to use "I" statements. Never use "You" statements. What I mean by this is that you are going to say things such as "I feel this when you don't take out the trash". Never say "You make me feel this when you don't take out the trash". There are two reasons for doing this type of approach. The first reason is that when you use the "I" statement that you are owning your own feelings. Remember that your partner does not feel the same way. It is up to you to take responsibility for your own feelings. The second reason that you do not want to use a "You" statement is that it will automatically put your partner on the defensive and he will not listen to you. If you are able to share your true feelings with your partner then chances are that the next time that you ask him to take out the trash then he will take it out because he will know how much it means to you.

How to Fight Fairly

It is very important that you and your partner fight fairly. This will keep your relationship together and it will cause you to grow together. A great way to fight fairly is to give each other equal time to talk about what is bothering him. The other partner must listen to what the one is saying. When I say listen, I mean truly listen. You may be surprised at what you learn. Your partner may have interpreted something that you said completely different than what you meant. You will never know this if you aren't listening. You will also get to know a lot about your partner if you listen. You may find out some things about their past that you did not know. Then you can be more sensitive to them in the future.

Another way to fight fairly is to never call each other names. This is a very fast way to break up a relationship. One thing that you have to remember is that words can never be taken back. You must be very careful with what you say. Words can cause scars and mistrust for a lifetime. Show proper respect to your partner and they will show it to you.

All Else Fails Reach a Compromise

There are going to be times when the two of you cannot reach an agreement. No matter how much you talk or listen to each other you aren't going to agree with each other. When this happens you need to agree to disagree. You need to realize that you are two different people with two different personalities and experiences. You can agree to come to some type of compromise though that way the argument will end. Once you agree to some type of compromise I would encourage you to talk for a while about what you do appreciate about the other partner. Many times we can walk away and think how strange the other partner is. This can cause more tension. Instead you can use this opportunity to compliment each other. This will send you off with a great feeling about each other.

If you follow these ideas you should be able to have a healthy relationship with your partner. You will not be afraid of arguments. Instead you will see them as a challenge to get closer to each other. You will have the opportunity to have a better and healthier relationship than you did before the argument. The arguments will give you new insights as to who your partner really is. It will tell you what makes him or her tick and you will get to know them better and have a stronger connection.