Argument Tactics for the Conservative

Sometimes you have an opinion that is right. You can feel it deep down in your heart. You turn on the TV, and there it is. Your opinion being trumpeted by someone else, someone with clout. Now you know you're on to something. It sometimes happens though, that some diseased nutjob is going to leave a comment on your opinion that disagrees. Now, it's obvious to you that they are wrong, and you are right, so what can you do?

First, don't panic! Remember, You are right. And don't rush to google either. It can be tempting to try to explain to this person how wrong they are, but don't take the bait. That's what they want. People who argue are exposed to toxic materials, like nuance, compromise, other information sources, and liberal reasoning. Don't fall prey. You've already got a syndicated viewpoint, thank you very much. Stick to it!

I'm going to take you through some real life examples, right here on AC, of the best tactic known to modern conservatives, so that you can see it in action and use it yourself. It's called character assassination, and it's as American as 'no-sugar added' apple pie.

Put yourself in our first writer's shoes. You've taken up the wholly plausible idea that American troops are not to blame for Iraqi deaths. You heard it on the news last night, and you know some troops. They could never kill anyone that wasn't trying to kill them first. You are obviously right. Now for a quick field trip. Check out the comments on this article and this one. Notice that your first job is to ignore what your detractor has said. Since you are right, it's meaningless anyways. Now, if you're from a communist dictatorship, or at least say you are, then you've got a leg up.

First refer to your country of origin, Cuba in this case, and how horrible it is/was. Hyperbole is key here as always. Now refer to your opposition and how privileged/pampered their life has been relative to your own. Throw in hearty gales of laughter to ridicule their opinions without actually responding to them. Never respond to their argument, it's already certifiably stupid, remember. As a last resort, should the tactic of shutting up your opposition through character assassination not work, you can simply make a whole new argument that ignores anything your opposition might have said. Remember your talking points. It's detestable to be pushed this far, but you are right, and nothing is better than that.

Obviously a person claiming to be from England, even better if you actually are, can shoot down anyone's critique of the American health-care system. You have first-hand experience of how horrible socialist medicine is, and you know you are right. But what if you aren't from a foreign country and don't want to lie about it? You can still be a successful character assassin. Right-wing politicians and talking heads have trod this ground for centuries, and they've left behind a wealth of code-words that when applied to your opposition will cost them public support, and thus bury their Wrong arguments. Just call them socialists, communists, liberals, pink-o's. Say they are wanting to return to the Stone Age, that they are suffering from class envy, that they are intellectuals with no real world experience. Now set yourself up as the opposing good to all the bad things they represent. Don't get too creative. Americans know those code-words by heart and may not respond as negatively to other jibes.

Character assassination plays a world of roles in news pieces. See this one for a good example. You'll need a subject, someone you know is a commie but maybe not everyone else does, someone everyone else might be inclined to think of as just another politician or public figure. Stir that pot for a while before mixing in another well-known figure who is already associated in the public mind with the above-mentioned bad code-words. In this instance, we have an article about John Edwards that begins with John claiming the war on terror is little more than a "brand". Obviously an absurd comment. Don't worry. You can report it "objectively" while also destroying the argument. First, don't include any of the argument behind the quote. Immediately follow the quote with sane, right-wing authorities saying how detestable it is. Now you'll want to link Edwards to the bogeyman, in this case Castro. Our author skillfully used an intermediary link, Danny Glover who has met on separate occasions with both Edwards and Castro, to show how both Edwards and Castro are communists. This is so easy a child could do it. Actually a child has done it.

In a display of character assassination that doesn't work, see this piece, which holds the first response by Ms.Thompson when she came under siege by your's truly. Obviously you'll want to assassinate on the relevant page. And never try to assail someone's character through grammar errors or typos. This makes you look like an intellectual (naughty code-word).

Finally, don't get side-tracked by labels. A liberal is a communist is a terrorist is a radical is a socialist is a gangbanger. All bad code-words mean the same thing, stop thinking. You're already right, after all. If the rest of America isn't patriotic enough to get on board with your majority opinion, then heaven help them. Assassinate and let God sort the riff-raff out.

The examples shown are small-time, but meant to have a real impact. Unfortunately some feel the need to actually destroy a person's career or life to protect their rightness. Character assassination often employs spurious charges of corruption, sexual infidelity, and other dastardly deeds. You are certainly right, but don't go that far and ruin your karma to prove it. Shame on Ann Coulter too.