Arguments in a Relationship

Believe it or not, having arguments in a relationship is healthy for the relationship. But, it is the way in which some couples argue that makes the argument unhealthy and wrong.

In every relationship we approach, whether with friends or a love interest, there is going to be disagreement. You cannot always 100% agree on ever single aspect that glides by the relationship, and eventually you will come to a point where your minds will clash. Arguing, in some ways, is a form of communication, and we know that communication in an intricate part of any relationship we have, because without communication you never get to know what is truly on each other's mind. If we keep everything bottled up and to ourselves because we are afraid of a little conflict, problems that you maybe foreseeing never have a chance to be approach, and never have the chance to be compromised and resolved.

All too often, we see couples that put off communicating about what troubles them in the relations, and they overly try to convince themselves into being content; yet they are in fact stifling their true feelings. This occurs because either one person or both in the relationship does not know how to argue and perceives that an argument means a knock down drag out fight, which is not what a healthy argument should ever be. There should not be any yelling; screaming, trying to overpower each other, disrespect, or malicious insults during an argument, because then you have crossed the line from arguing into fighting.

Arguing should be a means to confront each other with a discussion and dialect in regards to something both do not agree on, such as whether or not to allow his mother to meddle so much, or whether she should be going out with her friends so much, etc. There are many different topics couples in a relationship will come up against and not be in agreement on. So, argue the topic. Bring it out into the open in a respectful way. If you both truly care about each other, you will both be respectful of the fact that you will both not always agree, and that discussion the situation can only make it better if it is discussed properly.

Each person has to be willing to listen and hear the other person out. There has to be an acknowledgement that obviously one person or both are not happy with respect to a certain matter, and that feelings each have are real and important. When one or both parties fail to acknowledge that each person's feelings are real, they tend to dismiss the importance of the issue, topic, or situation that has cropped up into their relationship; and this can turn an argument into an unresolved revolving door fight.

When an argument crops up into a relationship, be prepared to compromise and sit down at the table and negotiate a resolution you both can live with. Do not walk away from the issue because it will not fix itself, and this again will lead to a non-stop ongoing battle instead of an argument. For example, if she says, "Your mom meddles too much into our relationship." You cannot come back with, "Oh, that's just how mom is." You cannot do that because that simple statement now tells your relationship partner that you could care less about her feelings with regards to your mother, and that you are willing to let the problem keep brewing up inside your partner, and this will become a fight that will basically never end. It is much better to acknowledge how your mother is truly making your partner feel, and then think of ways to combat and fix the situation.

Arguing is a good opportunity to work on your relationship and the key elements that go into making a relationship's foundation strong. You cannot expect to enter a relationship and never find any bumps and kinks in the road the relationship travels, because that is just not how the human nature works. There will always be snags, but if we approach them properly and prepared to sit down and talk, compromise, and resolve, you will learn that a healthy argument is okay. If you cannot put the effort in to your relationship and avoid conflict at all cost, you may be on the road to an unhealthy relationship, because communication is key and arguing respectfully is a form of communication. When you shut the door on communication, and yes, arguing, you also open a revolving door to unresolved negative situations that will never go away. It will be that unresolved negativity that will weight down your relationship and create more issues. With each new issue you avoid arguing and discussing, they will pile up fragment the relationship to the point that it may not be repaired.

So remember, arguing in a relationship should be a healthy way to discuss and bring attention to the disagreements that pop up along the relationship road. Do not be afraid to have an argument, but realize that when an argument turns into a fight it is because either one partner or both failed to sit down, shut up for a minute, just hear the other person out, and then validate and affirm that you understand what your partner is feeling is real. Arguing is a good way to find out what is one each others mind.