Arthur Treachers Fish and Chips: Don't Pass the Vinegar Jeeves

There are plenty of fast food restaurants to choose from, and a few of these specialize in offering seafood items. This is because a lot of diners would rather eat Nemo, than watching him swim, and because of the wonderful influence of the strange folks from "across the pond." Fish and Chips are serious business in Great Britain, and I enjoyed eating plenty of them when I spent a vacation there. There is nothing more delicious, or healthy, than haddock deep fried in beef fat. The fish is then wrapped in newspaper, layered with vinegar, and served with a hearty portion of fries.

I've yet to find a place like this in America, as there is no substitute for the British delicacy.(And yes, I use that term loosely, and won't make fun of their teeth. That has been a "sore" subject for years.) Arthur Treachers Fish and Chips claim to serve the real thing, but their food is about as authentic as Christina Aguilera's boobs. While her air pillows cost a decent amount of money, and are nice to look at, the quality of the food served at Treacher's leaves a lot to be desired. Thankfully it doesn't cost thousands of dollars, and it is not a good value for five "pounds."

Who the Hell is Arthur Treacher? I had no idea until I researched him on a couple of internet sites, and found out that he was a British actor who died over 30 years ago. He played a butler in a fair amount of movies, and was the Constable in Mary Poppins. Unfortunately, there's not enough "sugar to make the food here go down," and the number of establishments named after him, has dropped to around 150 from its original 900 locations. That should be the proverbial "writing on the wall" for this chain, but I decided to give them a try. Perhaps stupidity and bravery are distant cousins.

There are two Arthur Treacher's in my immediate area, and I decided to try them for a lunch and a dinner. Since I missed Michael's Fish and Chips, that I so enjoyed in England, I decided to try their signature meal. Words cannot describe my disappointment, and this was nothing at all like what I was accustomed to in the Queen's land. It was revolting, and I'm convinced that this restaurant chain uses nothing but Smelt, who were digging up mud from the bottom of the pond. The lesioned catfish from the Charles River taste better, and these Sewer Filets weren't even breaded properly.

The breading tastes like the cheap stuff from the grocery store. It drips off of the fish filets, and the portions were thankfully small. They were not served hot, and I was appalled by their level of freshness. Obviously they were served well past their "born on date." Even sardines from a can taste better, as the flavor was revolting. Thankfully, they were "rescued" by the Chips. While these are not authentic British, I have to admit that they have some of the best French Fries I've ever had from a fast food restaurant. They have just the right amount of salt, and are loaded with flavor. Sadly, they don't make up for the $5 price, that was too steep for this "meal."

I decided to forgive them for this meal, and try their other location for a dinner selection. Since I liked their French Fries so much, I decided to go with the Fried Shrimp Dinner. I didn't know it was possible to mess up shrimp, but they found a way of doing it. Once again the level of freshness was below average, and the fried shrimp would better be described as burnt. Perhaps whoever was manning the fryer could stay more awake, as its not rocket science to cook a fried dinner. All you have to do is wait for the food items to float on the top of the grease, and then take them out. These shrimp were way overcooked, as proven by the char marks throughout, and this made the shrimp a bit on the crunchy side. The Cocktail sauce served with this was very acidic, and it caused a lot of heartburn later that night. This meal costs $6, and comes with a soft drink.

If you like desserts with these "wonderful items," try the brownie. That was actually decent, but its nothing to write home about. Its of decent size, and tastes like something you could buy out of a vending machine. It cost $1.25, so at least it wasn't going to make me cry, like I do over spilled milk. The Cheescake is another story, as this chain found a way to mess up, what is usually a wonderful food item. The piece was very small, and it lacked substantial flavor. This pie also seemed to suffer from not being fresh, and cost $1.50.

While the food was far below average, the shape of both locations left me disgusted. There were two cockroaches engaged in what appeared to be coitus, underneath the table I was eating at. I was horrified, and glad that my steel stomach decided to hold on, to the food that I had finished consumed. Perhaps this is why the fries were a bit on the crispy side. There was also dust all over the windows and take out area, and I wasn't too pleased with the dining area.

I do not like to see paper, plastic silverware, and food stuffs on floors of restaurants I eat at. The Arthur Treacher's near my house was a pig sty, and the whole dining area had pockets of these items strewn about. Perhaps this was because the two garbage cans were overflowing with rubbish, and none of the employees seemed to notice this issue. The manager was no where to be seen, and some of the dining tables were a mess as well. Most of the tables seemed to be out of vinegar and/or ketchup, and some of the napkin dispensers were empty. After seeing the conditions of these dining areas, I didn't go to the restroom, for the fear of what was behind those wooden doors.

The service was average at best. A lot of the employees seemed to be preoccupied, with anything but cooking or taking care of customers. A lot of the food items seemed to be catching rays under the heat lamps, and the small line crept slowly. Wait time for the food at both locations was abysmal. I don't think fast food should mean a ten minute wait, considering it wasn't that busy, and the quality of the items was so poor. This may be due to the manager being always out of sight, or not caring at all about the restaurants handling of customers.

Final Thoughts

This is the worst fast food place I've been to. It is cheaper than its competitors, such as Long John Silver's and Captain D's, but it is not worth the savings. They seem to find a way to mess up everything, from the food to cleanliness and service, so I cannot recommend them to even my worst enemy. Due to these deficiencies, it is not surprising that they've dwindled down to just a few locations. I will not be eating there again, and I'm just glad I was able to walk out, without getting Typhoid or Rubella.