As Much as We All Want to be Our Kids' Best Friends, We Need to be Their Parents First

There was a time when I was footloose and fancy-free. It took a lot to anger me - most things just rolled right off. Then I had kids.

At first, being a Dad wasn't bad. They'd cry and I'd feed them. They'd cry, I'd burp them. Or change them. Or rock them to sleep. Endless skull-piercing screams of teething aside, there wasn't much to get angry about when they were infants. But they just HAD to grow up.

Now I'm not just Dad. I'm Police Officer Dad, the Honorable Judge Dad, Prosecuting Attorney Dad, Prison Warden Dad and Parole Officer Dad. I wear all those hats because I have two teenage boys who force me to do so. As much as I'd rather be their friend first and Authority Figure second, they will not allow me to be. When I soften up, when I come down to their level and act as their friend, they inevitably take advantage of the fact that Police Officer Dad is on vacation and My Pal Dad is too nice to yell. That's when P.O. Dad gets called back early from his much-needed rest and clamps down again. The adage "give an inch, take a mile" is their credo and it again becomes my job to take back the mile - and the inch.

I don't want to be a hardass to my boys. I don't want them to remember me as the jerk who tried to control every aspect of their lives, but until they exhibit some sustained self-control and good decision-making capabilities, I fear I have no alternative. My goal is not to have two robots doing everything I say. My goal is to send two responsible adult men into the world without fear that the world will chew them up and spit them out - probably right back into my house. They need to learn to respect authority, follow rules and be thoughtful of others - and if I have to be a prison warden in order to accomplish that, so be it. I would rather my kids hate me and be successful in life than love me and be useless bums. I will sacrifice our "friendship" now for their success later with the hope that they will someday realize why I did what I did and maybe then do it for their own children.

As much as we all want to be our kids' best friends, we need to be their parents first. Sometimes that means restricting them from the things they want, sometimes yelling and punishing, sometimes hugging and kissing. If we simply give them everything they want, they will always expect it. They will not DIE if they can't go to the mall this weekend. They will not DIE if you don't buy them the latest whatever. They will not DIE if you tell them to get off the phone - NOW. As parents we need to be in control and our decisions (right or wrong) need to be respected. That is not to say we must be unreasonable; children must be listened to - but not obeyed! You are in charge, not them. I've seen what happens in families where the kids run the house - I hate those parents. They just shake their heads and say, "Well, what can you do? Kids'll be kids!" I'll tell you what you can do: take back control and show them who's in charge, who makes the rules - and who follows them.

I know, that's easier said than done. Society has determined that kid's rights are more important that parent's rights. Kids today actually threaten their parents with legal action if they so much as lay a hand on them. I've already established with both my boys that if they ever threaten me like that I will call the police for them and their bags had better be packed by the time I get home because they will no longer be living in my house. I will not be told by my children how I can or can't punish them - I will not relinquish my authority over them until they show responsibility or they no longer live with me.

You might agree with me, you might not. You raise your kids your way and I'll raise mine my way. But I do so with the goal of teaching them to respect others - something that's very hard to find in today's youth. My way lets them know there are boundaries that are just not crossed. My way lets them know that there are consequences for their actions. My way lets them know that someone cares about them and what they do - even if they won't realize it for another ten or fifteen years. My hope is that your way teaches them the same.

Parenting has changed me. It's hard to remember the footloose, fancy-free lad who used to smile so often. I'm hoping to see his return in a few years when I can finally throw away the police badge, judge's robe, attorney's subpoenas, prison stripes and parole hearings. It'll be nice to smile again.