Ashamed

As I lay without life here before you today
I lay ashamed
ashamed of never taking that final walk
reading that never ending bedtime story
answering your silly questions
and not kissing you goodbye
as I rushed passed you off to work.

As I lay here without any motion
Never have I felt so empty
not the body in which you are scared to touch
but my soul remains lifeless as well.

I had never imagined such regret
or that my arms would ache for you
after I had left this earth
and left you here
alone.

My memories can not be felt
my heart does not beat
but It holds such heaviness
and sorrow and pain
but nothing like what I know you are feeling.

I am trapped
between heaven and hell
unable to get past the darkness
drowning in the river of regrets
my soul can not swim
the current is much to strong.

If I could take this day back
able do it all over again
I know exactly what I would change
and if I still were to die
within my last breath
I would say the words I love you.