Asian Men: Don't Believe the Stereotypes

This is what would probably happen if an Asian girl were to bring home her fiancée, LaVar Jenkins of Oakland.

"Daddy, I want you to meet LaVar. I met him at lacrosse practice."
"Diddy go to school?"
"Yes."
"A real school? Like Stanfoo? Haphoo? Yel? Myte?"
"He was valedictorian at Bellarmine and now he's in Stanford med."
"I see. Affirmative action very powerful."
"Daddy. He's smart. And he speaks so well!"
"Can he pronounce my name?"
"I can't even pronounce your name!"
"See, he make you dumber already."
"Daddy!"
"Me no like. He going to steal my car and sell for spinning rims on Nikes."

In the American tradition, the liberated young woman stands up for her unalienable, self-evident, God-given right to choose her source of semen.

"Listen, (father's first name). We're in America now. It's a globalized world and you need to accept it. Your ways are outdated."

In the Asian tradition, the insolent young twat gets two black eyes that she didn't see coming. Her dad stands over her and says, "Now your face match his skin. Confucius say, 'Once you go black, you never go back...to my house!'"

Then, to show that he's successfully merged Asian culture with the American way, Asian man takes LaVar to the backyard, where they grow lettuce and watermelon, and beats the poor guy with a broom, belt, and back scratcher.

In the Asian tradition, the Asian neighbors hear a disturbance and the words, "Shaq" and "Neegar." They call the cops.

In the American tradition, LaVar is innocent and knows the cops are going to plant a gun/knife/kilo of crack on him...so he takes off running...before being apprehended 4.38 seconds later, about 40 yards away from the house. He's sentenced to 25-to-life for the attempted murder of Officer Billy-Joe Reagan, who broke a nail dragging him down.