Aspergers Answers: Forgetfulness

Most parents of Aspies have felt at one time or another like they walk around constantly reminding their children of everything. Whose coat is this on the floor? And where do coats go? Is this your homework? Why is it blank? Where do your dirty clothes go? What is our rule about video games? What did I just tell you to do a minute ago !?!

As the parent of an Aspergers child you need to have a few tricks in your bag. You want your child to be successful in life just as much as you want to stay sane and be able to enjoy life yourself. You have enough things to remember without constantly having to re-teach every rule in the house on demand. Here are some strategies to save you time and sanity, make your interactions with your child less frustrating and more pleasant, and train your child in self management behaviors that will aid him later in life.

House Rule Book

OK, so it may sound silly to you but what is the first thing they hand out at shelters, group homes, jails, treatment centers, and rehabilitation hospitals? Rules. How else are new comers supposed to know what is expected of those who live there? On each page include pictures that will help your child find the rules easily. Aspie children tend to be very concrete and knowing exactly what is expected of them is paramount. They also tend to associate things with images. Pictures help them remember information.

Bind it up.

Make it a folder or a book. This format would make it easy for everyone to use. You could easily tell Jimmy to go look at the cleaning your bedroom section to see what is expected of him before he has free time privileges. It may take some time but it is a worthwhile project. Write Routines Out: Break It Down

Coming in the door.

Take off my shoes
Hang up my coat
Put my things in my room.

Use pictures.

Again, having this in a bound format would allow you to tell the child to look it up instead of you having to constantly remind.

Calendars

Knowing about appointments, important events or anything that will change the schedule is important for an Aspie kid. You could pick a day on the weekend to add the week's events. Repeating

It goes something like this...

"Billy, take this sack into the kitchen, grab the bag of trash, and bring me the broom on your way back."

Billy shows back up without the broom.

Next time having him repeat it back may help.

You can even take it a step further by teaching him to repeat it in a list to himself. "Sack, trash, broom. Sack, trash, broom. Sack, trash, broom"
Learning to do multi-step tasks is a very important life skill.

Make Lists

Of course. The to-do list, the grocery list, the chore list, the honey-do list. Most of us use lists. How about having your child or their teacher make up a homework list? Or a "what to do when I'm bored" list. Lists are great, versatile and self explanatory. Not only that, but just the simple act of writing things down will help them remember it.

Sticky Notes

Note taking is not just for adults. I recall seeing a note on my daughter's desk one night after a particularly rough bedtime battle. "Do NOT go to school!", it said. I laughed, but it made me realize that she wanted to remind herself of something important to her. Notes can be as simple as labels for drawers or a note about the important parts of a homework assignment. You can try different ideas, color coded notes or pens. Red for homework stuff, yellow for chores, ect. The more creative and fun it is, the more likely it will be effective.

---About the Aspergers Answers Series. Raising children with Aspergers can be a challenge. As a mother of Aspergers children Kristen has learned that it takes work to help kids be successful. As a mother with Aspergers herself, she has learned how important it is to get organizing and coping skills down when they are young. We all want to train up our kids to be successful young men and women. For Aspie kids it is doubly important to set down the foundation now. That is why she has started writing the Aspergers Answers series. Kristen hopes to help parents of Aspergers children find helpful resources to aid them in loving and empowering their unique kids. Check back here soon for more answers to come.