Assessing Your Connection with Your Partner

What kind of connection do you have? We, as people can connect on many different levels. The connections that seem to last the longest are those which are the most personal. There are many different types of connections and many different ways to examine your compatibility with someone. This article is written specifically for partner assessment, however, it can also be used to understand friendships, as well.

In a relationship, you know instantly if you connect physically. Of course, after developing a friendship, one might then, feel the bonds of a physical connection, as well. This is because emotional intimacy encourages physical attraction. Physical attraction starts in the mind, not in the body. There are those who only desire a physical attraction. They might not expose this fact for fear that they will not get their needs met. An assessment of their behavior and motives is necessary to discern the exact type of connection that your partner desires. Yes, a physical attraction is important. it spurs the passion in a relationship. However, there is so much more to consider when desiring a fulfilling relationship.

Will my partner and I enjoy some of the same activities? Does he/she understand and respect my family and friends? Will he/she and I find a community that both of us can take part in? Social connection is also important. This helps you and your partner share activities together. These activities could, potentially bring you closer and deepen your connection. I realize that some say that it is not essential for your partner to be accepted by family and friends. However, in every relationship, the participants will need support. It is important to find others who will support your relationship and with whom you can interact. Your relationship should not isolate you from friends and/or family. In a short amount of time, you might know if you connect socially. Does he/she like the same things that I like? Do we have common interests? For most relationships, this is where it ends. They believe that they are quite compatible with their mate because they are both physically attracted to them and they share common interests. This is why people make the mistake of involving themselves in a relationship with the wrong partner. I have heard many say: "We are so compatible. We like the same musicians and we both take sugar in our coffee." Strangely enough, they don't realize that there are thousands who might meet this criteria.

Intellect and experience also play a large part in finding commonalities. Sometimes diversity in intellect and life experiences can cause lots of tension in a relationship. While, at first, it might be novel to understand life from a slightly different prospective, you might realize that you have little in common. It might feel as if you and your partner live in different worlds for a large segment of your day.

We all realize that men and women are quite different. However, observing one's communication style is important. How do you and your partner communicate your most intimate thoughts with each other? How do you communicate when you are angry, upset, full of joy or frightened. Does your partner understand your communication style? Can you effectively communicate with him or her? Examine any barriers and discuss them.

Examine relationship expectations to make sure that you and your partner's are compatible. There might be different expectations for various phases of your relationship. Talk about these expectations and how important that they are to both of you.

One thing that women always say after they have entangled themselves in a relationship is: "I did not know that he behaved like that." frequently this is in reference to a man who is either irresponsible or manipulative. most likely, your partner did not wake up one day and finally decide to expose his/her authentic self. While, I admit that impressions are part of the dating scene, there are usually signs that will tell a person about his/her partner's behavior. In truth, most people recognized the behavior in the first stage of dating; however, it was optimistically labeled something else. Be sure that you are seeing your partner's behavior clearly.

Emotional health is one of the areas that has been neglected in the past. Yes, women, there are men who are quite emotionally healthy. They might be unsure about how much emotion to express, but they do have and understand their emotions. Some women are uncomfortable with men expressing emotion, yet, want the men to truly understand and respond accordingly to their emotions. this is a catch 22 for the man and does not yield true emotional intimacy. Can you share your emotions without being humiliated by your partner? when you display your emotions, does your partner act indifferent, uncomfortable or disgusted? Does your partner listen when you talk about your feelings, desires and difficulties? Does your partner seek to understand and comfort? How does your partner show his/her emotions? Are there some emotions that you or your partner won't expose to each other? If so, you might ask yourself "why?" What are your innermost needs? How do they play out when choosing a person to engage in a relationship with? How do your needs affect the role that you play in your relationship? If your partner is unable to identify or express his/her emotions and needs, what will that mean for the relationship? These need to be examined before the relationship can go forth.

Commitment is one of the key components of a true connection with your partner. this is not the obligation to not divorce your partner. Certainly a determination to honor the relationship is admirable. However, there is more to commitment than a physical presence or passively taking no action. Honoring a commitment to a relationship is an active process. You daily perform deeds that will strengthen the bond between you and your partner. It is important for you to regularly recognize and respect your partner's strengths and resources that he/she brings to the relationship.

Much is said about a "spiritual bond." These words are quite elusive, so I have tried to put together some interesting questions and examples to make things more clear. First, How does your partner view life and the experiences that are indicative to life's journey? Is it similar to yours? Of course, both of you don't have to be a peppy optimist, but you do have to share some commonalities about the way you view life experiences and what you believe is your purpose for living.

A spiritual connection has nothing to do with the exact religion that one professes. I must admit, that I, like so many others, assumed that if I and my partner were of the same religion, this would naturally bond us spiritually. This is a complete falsehood and let me elaborate so that this myth may be exposed. I do admit that a belief in the same God and the origin of life is one commonality that can be built upon. communing, Praying and worshipping together can be quite bonding experiences. I don't want to minimize their significance. However, if this is the ending of a spiritual link, then, there is an entire chasm between two people. They are bonding in the ritual of practicing religion, but are not making a true spiritual connection. Two people can be the same professed religion and have very different spiritual levels. Both may be Christians, yet have very different views, for example, on the exact term "ethical treatment of individuals." , some might find violence, for any reason, unacceptable. While, others may be able to justify violence in certain circumstances. Some Muslims might find that any manipulation of another person is contrary to their faith. While, other Muslims might justify manipulation for the sake of Allah. Similarly, people can be of different religions and have a very close spiritual connection. While a Jew and a Buddhist might be of different beliefs, they might hold the same views about the sacredness of life and all living things. These ethical and spiritual bonds connect humans to each other much more than any physical or socioeconomic similarity ever could.

I find that ethics is quite important. I have found that many people of the same faith will still disagree on ethics. If you witness an injustice, when and how do you get involved? What is your responsibility to other human beings? Do you have a high sense of morals and obligation to mankind? Does your sense of responsibility differ when it comes to class, race, family origin, nationality or geographic proximity? What is "ethical" and what is "unethical?" Does this extend to animals and plants as well? does your partner think and feel the same way? It is easy for you and your partner to think of simple situations of ethics. Ask yourselves, "What would you do in this situation?" Can you be proud of your partner's responses? You will not always agree; however, is there enough similarity to feel comfortable with your partner's ethics?

I know that this is lots to consider when choosing a mate. Yes, we instantly want to connect. We don't want the process of examination to be tedious and time consuming. It is our body and emotions who might want to jump into a relationship quickly. But, if we do take time to examine ourselves and our partner, we can avoid the long term drama and heartache of incompatibility and breakup.