Assuming Responsibility for Our Lives

If there's one undeniable truth we all eventually learn, it's that we are ultimately responsible for the outcome of our own lives. We cannot control the forces of nature, "Acts of God," or the acts of other people. How our lives are played out, what we get and give, is under our control.

If you're in a miserable marriage, no doubt you will argue that your husband or wife is causing you great pain and that, because of them, you are in your own personal chaos.

There would be no denying that you are in great pain or in personal chaos. This happens when someone we love doesn't love us the same way in return. It can be even more devastating if we've submerged ourselves into the "we" and let the "I" wither away. When the "we" is gone, the "I" is miserably lost.

When we are children, others provide for us and make decisions regarding our lives. As adults, we assume the responsibility for our own lives, and, if we are parents, we assume the additional responsibility for the lives of our not-yet-adult children.

It's not always easy to make the leap from being taken care of to taking full responsibility for our own actions. In fact, in a great many marriages, one spouse may relinquish full responsibility to their spouse. It's easier when someone else is making all the decisions. It's disastrous if that other person decides to leave the marriage.

When someone else makes a decision, and the outcome is unacceptable, it's easy to place blame on the other person. In reality, when we allow someone else to make decisions for us, we still must assume the responsibility for the outcome of the decision because it is our choice to allow them to make the decision.

If your spouse is abusive, it is your responsibility protect yourself. That may mean that you try to convince your spouse to get the help he or she needs to stop the abuse. That may also mean that you remove yourself from the relationship if the abuse continues.

The decision is yours to stay in an abusive situation or to leave it. Leaving won't be easy, and you may need the support of, and to enlist the aid of, family, friends and social and/or welfare services.

When you bring another person into your marriage, you must assume the responsibility for the consequences. If you allow your spouse to bring another person into your marriage, you must assume the responsibility for the consequences.

If you choose to drink to excess or use illegal drugs, you must assume responsibility for the consequences. If you allow your spouse to drink to excess or use illegal drugs, you must assume the responsibility for the consequences.

In all instances in which your spouse's activities cause you physical or emotional harm, you have the responsibility to make the proper decisions to put yourself out of harm's way. If you choose to do nothing, that is your personal decision. For that, too, you assume the responsibility of the consequences.

If you look the other way, if you ignore the obvious, if you deny the truth, you assume the responsibility for the consequences of your actions.

Ultimately, regardless of the actions or non-actions you take, you are in control of your life, no matter how much you may wish someone else would assume the complete and total responsibility for your well-being.