At What Age Should One Take Responsibility for Their Own Decisions and Actions?

At what age should a person start taking responsibility for his/her own actions and stop the childish habit of blaming others for the messes that they have made of their lives? 20, 30, 40 years old?

This is not a question with a definitive answer because everyone is different, but it is maddening to hear adults blaming their parents for their mistakes or blaming society for their criminal behavior.

There are stories on the news every week. Someone commits rape or murder, but it isn't their fault, it is their parents' fault because they were divorced. Or, it is their mother's fault because she had to work and couldn't be at home after school. Sometimes it is their father's fault because he spanked them or he wasn't around because he had to travel to make a living.

Someone steals an expensive pair of shoes, but it is not their fault. It is the fault of society. Society has somehow prevented him/her from getting a job, so they had to steal. It is the same when someone breaks into a house and takes someone else's possessions. It doesn't matter if that person worked hard to get what they have. What matters is that the thief had to steal because his/her father abandoned the family or because society didn't provide enough positive opportunities.

Then there are the people who continually blame their parents for all the unhappiness or for their generally terrible lives. They are in debt up to their eyeballs because their parents didn't teach them how to manage money. Their own kids are in trouble because their parents did not teach them good parenting skills. They can't get a good job because their parents could not afford to send them to college. Their self-esteem is low because their parents didn't praise them enough. Real life is too much to cope with because their parents failed to hug them enough. They drink too much because their parents were too strict, or not strict enough. There is an endless supply of examples.

No one had a perfect childhood, and there is no such thing as perfect parents. So these folks who are simply looking to place blame because they won't admit that anything could be their fault should take some responsibility, stop blaming everyone else, stop whining, and grow up!

There are, however, many people who have suffered true abuse and neglect, and there is a huge difference in those and the ones described above. An extraordinary number of people who grew up in truly horrible conditions, or were abused and/or neglected have gone on to live rich, rewarding lives. They made a decision not to let their upbringing ruin their lives. Through whatever means worked for them (possibly counseling, a spiritual connection, or hard work and determination) they dealt with the past and went on about the business of life. These brave people deserve the utmost respect and admiration.

As for the ones who suffered abuse and haven't yet found help, they deserve the utmost respect as well, just for getting through it. They also deserve our prayers that some day they will find a way to cope with the past and live wonderful, happy lives.