At Court Outside My Castle Window: Chapter 3

Bob looked at his watch. It was 2 in the morning. Justice never sleeps.

Bob's lawyer, a potted plant, said in a harsh planty way, 'According to statute 11 of pedastic corpus in alien bonum all courtroom proceedings being initiated at 2 in the morning, except on February 14 and President's day, but recessing on or before 2:14 AM, will not, in accordance with all the same precedents, continue after 2:15 AM until 6 AM and then two days following thereafter.' After this exchange there was enough oxygen to make Al Gore high.

The judge was busily chewing on the remainder of his hamburger and didn't seem to be paying attention with what Bob's lawyer was saying. A potted plant does not elicit the higher forms of respect in the courtroom these days. He was just too odd.

The judge said, 'This is odd. I've never had a potted plant on defense before. How odd. Are you Ivy League, sir?' Oh, he was a wit.

'Sir, if I may.'

'Very well... you may.'

'Your honor, my client was being harassed by the plaintiff as anyone who has dealt with Jester rabbits can attest. It goes without saying.'

'Objection,' interjected the ant prosecutor, his antennae all aflitter. 'It's illogical to say 'all' jester rabbits are like this for no one has encountered 'all' jester rabbits, their population being prohibitively large, thereby, not knowing if there is this one or that one who does not act like all other jester rabbits.'

'I object to your objection,' said the plant, 'there are no exceptions to jester rabbits being anything but annoying. It's a paradox of the universe.'

'That's enough,' the judge said, 'Counsels approach the bench, please.' The ant looked smug, the plant looked chlorophyl deficient. 'Mr. prosecutor, he's got a point. I have to agree - all jester rabbits are pretty much annoying. You couldn't find an impartial juror who would say differently. They are annoying as surely as cabbages fall from the sky.' Even the ant knew this, but he wouldn't say as such. He would die on the anthill of his convictions.

'I know a man who realized that every time he had numerous glasses of water or any beverage for that matter, would need to go to the bathroom in time. Well, he got tired of having to urinate so he stopped drinking all beverages of any kind. He eventually died. But is this not a good example of critical thinking?' The judge paused, motioned for a ho-ho, and continued, 'Well, that's all I have to say.' The judge received his ho-ho, finished it and wiped his lips. 'Court convenes until we call the defendant at a later date as yet to be determined.'
So as Tim stood there dumbfounded by the judge's pronouncement he gathered his belongings and his friends and his wits and left even though it was 2 in the morning. Maybe 2:10.

As the party started on their way again, for two or three hours, there appeared before them a low lying green cloud floating from tree to tree ... sniffing. As they approached the smoggy form it stopped as if it sensed the party approach.

'Ok!' Bob said, 'We know you're no ordinary cloud. Clouds don't sniff trees or much of anything for that matter. What are you doing?'

'I'm looking for my treasure. I know I dropped it around here somewhere. Where could it be?' He paused and continued, 'I was snowing yesterday - a blizzard as a matter of fact. Oh yes. But then in all the excitement.' At this the cloud turned red and blushed. The red and green hues were quite disorienting. 'It seems I misplaced my treasure.'

'What is the nature of your treasure?' Pill asked.

'Well, it's uh, it's gold. Yeah it's gold and certain other valuables such as jewels. You know, gold coins and jewels.' The cloud stood there for a short time seemingly in thought and added, 'In a chest. A treasure chest. It's a wooden chest, you see. About 3 feet in height and 5 feet in length. It's very heavy. It has a brass lock on it. I have the key of course. We won't need that.'

'Well' Bob said, 'We'll help you find your treasure. So you dropped it in this area, huh?'

'Yes,' said the cloud, 'I greatly appreciate your help. It's been in the family for generations. I remember my father would tell me how his grandfather acquired the treasure. His name, his great grandfather, was Vince. Vince liked following pirate ships and the pirates didn't care. He was just a cloud after all. They didn't suspect he was much of anything.

"Well, one day he was following this particular pirate ship that was loaded with booty. These pirates got all their loot from donations and sponsors by the way. They even collected the sailing-the-waters-as-a-victim tax for South Dookaw. Politics, you know how it goes. Anyway, he decided to talk to the captain that night. As they say, 'A kopeck is worth more than a plateful of purple spinach.'"

And so he said, 'Hey, pirate captain.'

The captain looked around for a recalcitrant sailor, but his darting eyes could detect no one.

'Hey,' Vince said, 'It's me. The fog.'

The captain smiled, rolled his eyes, at this not welcome interruption to his night's excursion.

'Well, to make a long story shorter Vince clapped some thunder and threw down some hail at the captain's feet. Anyway, the captain was convinced and they talked long into the night. The captain was thankful for the opportunity to talk to a cloud. Cloud's know much of fair winds and following seas after all.'

'Yes, you guessed it. The captain gave Vince one of the ship's treasures as a token of appreciation. And it's been in the family ever since. We did drop a brooch one year from a very high height when I was twelve. It did knock out a jester rabbit, but he fully recovered with his mouth intact ... unfortunately.'

Bob raised his eyebrow. Pill and Pesker snickered. 'Well, you're a cloud. How did you carry your treasure? I mean, you're see-through. You have zero substance.'

'On my back of course,' said the cloud.

'Oh,' said Bob. Bob sighed, paused heavily and let his finger hang in the air for a minute. His back?

'Hey!' the cloud finally interjected, 'Can we get on with finding my treasure? Are you going to help me? I have to precipitate later tonight and so I'm in a hurry. Sort of. If you would please, help.'

'Alright, alright,' Bob said.

Off the group went searching for the cloud's treasure - in the brook, behind the trees, under the rocks, on the cloud's back. And finally they found it.

The cloud said, 'I am obliged. Thank you kindly, sirs. I couldn't have done it without you. Here's my card. At this the cloud handed (or clouded) Bob a card. It read "CLOUD - JUST LOOK UP AND GIVE ME A HOLLER'"

The cloud floated away, treasure in tow.

Bob looked at the card, flipped it over and over in his fingers a few times and pocketed it. He looked up, but didn't holler. He only looked up to see if he could spot the cloud among all the other clouds. He wondered if all the clouds could talk ... and had treasures.'