Atheism in America

This means that, according to a recent study by the Pew Research Center [1], that means that 52% of the United States population has an "unfavorable" opinion of me. In another study, from the University of Minnesota [2], atheists were less likely than any other group, including Muslims and homosexuals, to disagree with the popular concept of a good America, with 39.6% of Americans answering as such. Even more frighteningly, 47.6% of Americans actually said that they would disapprove if their child married me, even though atheists get fewer divorces than Jews or any Christian group per capita [3]

But what have I done? What did I do to put my numbers at Nixonesque levels? Which aspect is it of atheism that makes my beliefs so antithetical to the City on the Hill paradise that is American democracy? Is faith in God really that important to being an American?

Apparently, it is. More than half (64%) of Americans believe that creationism, the belief that God created the universe miraculously over a period of six days, should be taught alongside evolution, the empirically-observable scientific theory, supported by molecular biology and an extensive fossil record, which holds that life exists in its present form today because of subtle genetic changes over billions of years. Nearly half (42%) hold strictly creationist accounts that hold the tales of Genesis to be literally true. In fact, only 26% of Americans believe that evolution occurred through natural selection. [4]

Was that my crime? That I had the audacity to ask a member of my family how Genesis could be literally true if it contains internal contradictions, only to find that person reacting with an anger and violence befitting the staunchest Roman magistrate? Genesis, I argued, contains two disparate creation stories that both cannot be true: Genesis 1 clearly states that God created all of the animals before the first man, but Genesis 2 clearly states that God created Adam first, and then animals to keep them both happy. Because they are mutually exclusive, they both cannot be true. And yet, 42% of American actually does believe these two, contradictory statements to both be literally true.

And that is the problem with religious faith: it is impolitic to question other peoples' religious beliefs, no matter how outlandish they may be. If I calmly ask a Catholic how it can be that God and Christ were identical entities, as the homo ouisia theology of the Catechism states, then who was Christ talking to in Gethsemane, or on the cross? And for that matter, how can you take any of it seriously when the Bible contains so many different versions of Christ's lasts words? You'd think that the last living commands of the Messiah would bear better recording than they get, and yet, surely enough, you get "Eli Eli, Lema Sabachtani?" up against "into thy hands I commend my spirit," and "a loud cry," [5] all of which are taken to be literally and inarguably the last words of the living God, even though you obviously cannot have multiple different last words. And what happens when I ask a Catholic that question? I am a heretic, an upstart, an idolater, but worst of all, I am simply rude. How dare you question another's faith?

But what happens every time I happen to mention that I am an atheist. "How can you be an atheist? What if God is real, and you're doomed to hell? How could the universe have come into existence without God? I'll pray for you, that you may see the light of Jesus some day." And that is not rude, that is gracious. The difference is that I can calmly back my beliefs- that the quantum cosmological argument fully and mathematically illustrates how the Big Bang could have occurred without outside causative force, that the so-called 'Pascal's Wager' is logically flawed and thoroughly unconvincing, that the problem of theodicy is insurmountable. And when I do, I'm just trying to avoid the obvious, that I'm trying to deny the word of God, and why can't I just open my heart up to him? And why isn't it rude or impolitic when I get those replies?

That is what it is like to be an atheist- the perpetual victim of a pervasive double-standard. That I am without morals because I don't believe in the Bible, but those who believe that homosexuals are second-class Americans who don't deserve equal rights, those men are virtuous. That Pat Robertson, whose website contains messages that are overtly anti-interracial marriage [6], is a good man, but I, who have no criminal record, am less of a good man than convicted drunkard George W. Bush.

And how dare I question the religiosity of the Republican party? Of course they are righteous- the president prays every day, he makes supplication to God on national television. But how, I ask, can there be a pro-war, pro-death penalty, anti-welfare, anti-Medicaid Christian party? Those things are all mutually exclusive! You cannot be a Christian who favors the death penalty, which is a fundamental truth of the New Testament. And yet, there they are, that monolithic paragon of virtue, bombing and scandalling their way into the future. And shame on me for asking.

It is not just on those things, nor on evolution, that I, an atheist, and the contemporary religiosity of America diverge politically. I am staunchly and unapologetically in favor of gay marriage. I have donated cash out of my own pocket to efforts in Wisconsin to prevent that state from becoming the 21st state to restrict 14th Amendment rights to American citizens. But there are certain people in this country who tell me that this is wrong- some go so far as to use the Old Testament slur "abomination." And how dare my argument sound like "well, what if the Old Testament is wrong? What if its human authors didn't really have an open line to God?" If my retort is anything other than "well, that's just your interpretation of the Bible," then I am being rude and impolitic, and I am just trying to start an argument. Never mind the person on the other end who started yelling at me and shoving his absurd banner in my face- "God created Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve!" I was tempted to ask if that was before or after the animals, but decided to stop being so rude to the polite homophobe on the Boston Commons.

And that is just the beginning of my political woes. 48% of Americans would not vote for me out of hand. As many as 90% of "born again" Evangelicals consider my impact on American society to be negative [7]. And why is this? Perhaps it is because of our differences in opinion- I believe in the 14th Amendment, the Evangelical Right doesn't. I believe that convicted criminals should rot in prison for decades; they believe that prisoners should be given just enough time to ask redemption from Christ, and then be sent right off to heaven. I believe women are human beings capable of making their own medical decisions, and who have every right to serve exactly the same battlefield positions as men; some of them do not [8].

But have we really had a "negative" impact on the United States? Come on, we gave you guys everything from Star Trek and "The Old Man and the Sea" to the Dave Matthews Band and Charlie Brown [9]! Just because I think that it constitutes a teensy, weensy violation of the Establishment Clause when federal money, that is to say, money that comes out of my paycheck, pays for a religious college in Alaska that offers no academic classes, the Decalogue plastered all over courthouses (why? Which laws make coveting thy neighbor's goods, that is to say, all capitalism, illegal? Which ones make it illegal to use God's name as a curse in public?), or for private schools that open and close with prayers to Jesus? Again, very impolitic, because its conservatives who defend the Constitution; us liberals all rely on activist judges to do our evil deeds, extending equal rights to homosexuals and all that nonsense. Sorry.

What literal damage have I done to this country? I'm trying to think of the last vicious, dastardly act of atheist terrorism perpetrated on the God-fearing people of America, but nothing is coming to mind. What does come to mind? Osama bin Laden, theist extraordinaire. Timothy McVeigh, homegrown Bible-thumper through and through. But that's wrong, you say, McVeigh represents an extreme minority! Him and Richard Wayne Snell, and Gordon Kahl, and William Potter Gale, and Terry Nichols… who, unfortunately, did not misread the Bible- they read it very closely. In fact, nearly every American far-right hate group bases its beliefs on the Bible [10]. And what about the criminal justice system? What sort of agitation does it stir up when one is reminded that only about one fifth of one percent of the prison population labels itself "atheist" [11].

When my beliefs are attacked, it is Evangelism, it is missionary work. It is a "War on Christianity" when I defend myself. When my beliefs are attacked, it is the interest of my personal salvation; I am literally a devil's advocate when I defend myself. My critiques of the Republican Party platform are godless liberal activism; denial of equal civil rights to Americans is the morally conscious thing to do.

So lock up your daughters tonight, fellas, because there are atheists on the prowl. Constituting a whopping 3% of the population, and 0.209% of its prison population, us menacing Godless atheists probably don't share your vision of a good America, and want nothing less than to subvert your values and wage a deadly war on Christianity! We will poison you with equality, fair treatment for women and homosexuals; we might even ask you to respect the First Amendment when voting for where your tax dollars will go! And make extra-sure you shout down the secular humanist at the dinner table who asks about why Genesis 1 seems to make it so clear that the Earth is flat [12]…

…or else you might end up joining us.