Attachment Issues in Children

Not all children enjoy an ideal relationship that fosters the attachment process. Some children and parents do not respond to each other in ways that bring mutual delight and the care necessary for the child.

Sometimes, babies are born without a strong set of attachment behaviors. They may not be responsive or attractive. Adults may find it neither rewarding nor satisfying to interact with such babies or to meet their needs. Not only may these babies lack a set of pleasing behaviors, they may even reject any advances. They may constantly stiffen when cuddled or cry when touched. Some babies are just not responsive. They may be too active to attend, or too passive. In these cases, it is up to adults to promote attachment.

Parents can promote attachment as a goal to develop a relationship. That means being persistent and not being put off by the baby. Sensitive parents find ways that cause less discomfort to hold the babies who reject them. They continue to touch and talk to these babies despite rejection. They use parenting times to interact and pay attention to the child at other times as well. Sometimes, just observing such babies regularly and in depth will help parents and other adults develop a feeling for babies they feel indifferent toward or even negative about. That feeling is part of the attachment process.

Adults also find ways to help too active and too passive babies attend. They discover ways to reduce stimulation or increase sensory input, depending on what is needed.

Sometimes, the attachment problems lie with the parents. The baby may be fully equipped with attachment behaviors but the parent may fail to respond. Indifference, for whatever reason, can be devastating to an infant. The infant doesn't give up for a long time and may develop a set of behaviors that elicit a negative response from the adult, which is better than no response at all.

If the baby has no attachment or negative attachment, that is cause for alarm. Outside help is required.

You may suspect this problem when a baby does not thrive in the same way the other babies do. He or she may not be gaining weight or reaching milestones within a reasonable time. This failure to thrive may be related to a variety of other causes of an attachment problem. A clue that attachment is the problem is a lack of attachment or your having trouble getting attached. You may see that the baby is unresponsive to everybody. Or perhaps you see him or her responding exactly the same to everyone - parent, relatives, caregivers, and strangers.

Let's examine the implications of no attachment for child rearing. Although virtually no one attempts to raise a child in total isolation, children are too frequently raised without enough human contact, without opportunities for interaction, and without consistent treatment. In such a situation, the problems are multiple. Though the infants have contact with adults who feed and change them, the adults may vary from day to day, and the infants may be unable to distinguish one from the other or may find that their attachment behavior brings no consistent response when they are being cared for. They find no one to call their own - no one whom they can influence. Eventually, such children give up and no longer try to influence anyone. Lacking not only attachment but adequate physical contact, these infants are deprived of the variety of sensory input that comes with a healthy relationship. They become passive and non complaining, their development slows, and they may fail to thrive.