Attachment Parenting

As a mother of ten children by birth and adoption, ages 33 on down to 2 years old, I have seen a lot of parenting styles come into fashion, only to be tossed aside for the next popular idea that comes along. Among the ones I've seen have been to keep your baby on a schedule, to give 'quality time' rather than 'quantity time' (the cry of working mothers), to raise your child 'gender neutral' or in other words, to give boys and girls the same things, rather than have boy toys and girl toys. I can tell you right away that doesn't work. Don't give a boy a toy gun, and he'll use a stick or even his finger. Give a little girl a frog instead of a doll, and she will wrap the frog in a blanket and mother it.

A parenting style that is popular right now is attachment parenting. This one seems to have stuck around longer than some of the others. Among the leading voices of this philosophy is Dr. Sears, who coined the phrase and has written books on the subject.

Attachment parenting includes many things, such as natural childbirth and maybe even home birth, a mother who stays home with her child rather than working outside the home, keeping the baby in a sling or baby back or front carrier much of the day - also called baby wearing - breastfeeding, co-sleeping and homeschooling. A child's needs are promptly met.

As for discipline, the attachment parenting style discourages physical discipline, and instead encourages re-direction, natural consequences, and role modeling.

A lot of the attachment parenting philosophy is actually the natural instinct of a mother who has not been swayed by outside influences. A mother's basic nature is to nurture her child with her constant presence, to breastfeed, to meet needs promptly, to hold and cuddle.

The problem with trying to follow a philosophy, to spend much time on the Internet reading about these things, is that, just like other philosophies, it can become strenuous on the mother. She will feel like if she doesn't do everything just like these websites or books say, she is a bad mother. Many times these websites will blame all kinds of discipline problems on not following this parenting style.

There are many good, useful ideas in the attachment parenting philosophy. But to follow any "philosophy" in parenting to an extreme, whether it is this one or one of the others mentioned above, to the extent of not following your own natural instincts, is not good for either the parent or the child. Trust yourself and know your own child. Take your cues by looking at your child: is she or he happy, bright eyed, curious, and eating and sleeping well? If the answer is no, then something is wrong, and counsel should be sought. But if your answer is yes, then you are probably doing a good job, and you can relax and enjoy raising your child.