Attitude that You Should Take Towards Your Children's Grades

Your attitude toward your children's report cards plays an important role in shaping their values, self concept, self confidence and self esteem. Your attitude reflects your values and beliefs about competition, ambition, performance, self esteem, self discipline and balance. By showing interest in their report cards, you can demonstrate your interest in them and in their progress. You are also telling them that education is important. With encouraging words and supportive behavior, you can reinforce both their self esteem and their self confidence. By applying undue pressure and making critical responses, you can undermine their self esteem, destroy their self confidence and cause them to be anxious and insecure.

Because most parents want their children to do well in school, they view the report card as an important indicator of success. Some parents, however, place too much emphasis on school grades. They view their children's marks as more than a simple record of classroom performance. For example, some parents see report card marks as a critique of their parenting, training methods and ability to motivate and also as a definitive predictor of their children's future. Still others see school marks as a clinical assessment of their child's IQ or genetic endowments.

These exaggerated ideas about the meaning of grades can lead parents to apply undue pressure on their children. This pressure typically causes conflicts and tension between parent and child as well as performance anxiety and emotional insecurity in the children. The more ambitious and competitive you are as a parent, the more likely you are to pouch your children to achieve for you rather than for themselves. If you see your children as an extension of yourself, you are more likely to pressure them to perform. This may cause them to fear you or to worry excessively about losing your love and affection if they fail to live up to your expectations. If your children learn that there is a connection between self esteem and performance, they may begin to experience performance anxiety and feel undue stress at an early age. If, for example, you are angry at them for poor marks, they may begin to associate high marks with gaining your love.

An overly competitive attitude can be detrimental in your children. They may come to believe that unless they are the best in their class or group they have no value at all. If they are unable to perform as well as expected, they may develop emotional symptoms or they may find ways to escape the pressure they feel. They may lie, cheat, hide their report cards or simply give up in despair.

Most parents use the same methods their parents used with them to stimulate performance and achievement. These methods often involve threats, rewards, criticism and other forms of pressure. These methods are not only limited in their effectiveness but they also tend to undermine children's self esteem by making them afraid of losing your love and affection if they fail to meet your expectations.