Aunt Lottie is Now Surfing the Net

I was sitting at my desk searching my brain trying to come up with an interesting idea to write about when inspiration struck. "Hey, Pat gal, you here?" I heard the familiar voice as Aunt Lottie came through the door.

"Hey, Aunt Lottie, how great to see you." I saw the look on he face, and I knew something interesting was going on. "What's up with you? You look like the cat that swallowed the canary," I said and laughed.

"I come by to tell you that I bought one of those computers like you're always writing on. I got it a couple of days ago, and I come over here so you could show me how to get on that place where you write. I thought I better read some of those stories you've been writing about me."

I got a piece of paper and wrote down the website address for Aunt Lottie. "Here, just put this in at the top and it will pull up my page, and you can just go through the list and find the ones you want to read."

"Oh, good, I think I better do that because I ran into Ethel Willard the other day, and her daughter showed her one of those stories. She said she was shocked at what I let you put on there. That old bitty wouldn't know funny if it bit her on the lip. I told her she was just jealous because her daughter couldn't ever find anything entertaining about her that would make people want to read."

"Well, that's wasn't a very nice thing to say. Ms. Willard's just a bit more settled than you are I think," I said trying to defend the old bitty.

"Settled, my foot. She's just so taken with herself that she can't believe anybody but her is worth reading about. You know, her nose is so stuck up in the air that it's a wonder she don't drown when it rains."

Changing the subject, I said, "Well, tell me what else you've been looking at on your new computer."

"Oh, all kinds of things, but I'm surprised at all that sports stuff on there."

"You mean like baseball and basketball, stuff like that?"

"Naw, all that stuff about fishing. I can't for the life of me figure why everyone's so interested in fishing all of a sudden. It's not like it's not been around a long time. And most of the time, people are saying fishing ain't even a good thing. I keep getting these emails telling me to be careful reading anything about fishing. I don't know who all's sending those things, but they need to learn to spell. Dern fools spelled fishing with a "ph" instead of an "f". You'd think grown people would know how to spell."

"Oh, Aunt Lottie, you mean phishing." I laughed. "That's different from fishing. Phishing is where people try to get you to give personal information to them so they can con you. Those people are warning you not to give anybody personal information such as credit cards or social security numbers over the emails."

"Well, thank goodness, because I was beginning to think those people had lost their minds if they were worried about a few catfish being a bad thing."

"Well, tell me, Aunt Lottie, how's Fred like the new computer and the internet?"

She snorted a little and said, "I don't think he's looked at too much of it. Right after he sat down, this ad came up with one of those Victoria Secret gals in her underwear, and I think he's afraid to change to something else because she might go away. You'd think the old fool hadn't ever seen a woman in her undies before."

"Well, it's probably better if you don't let him find any of those porn sites, Aunt Lottie. If he gets that excited over an ad, one of those sites might be too much for his heart."

"His heart won't be his biggest problem," she said and laughed. "His biggest problem will be my frying pan upside his head. Gotta' go now. In fact, I better go check on him. Poor Fred's probably bleary-eyed by now because before I left, I hid his bifocals."