Aunt Lottie's Response to Tom Lund's Article

I called Aunt Lottie yesterday and asked her to drop by on her next trip to town. I had something I thought she might be interested in, plus I hadn't talked to her since she and Fred went to Mardi Gras. Since she's not one to sit still too long, pretty soon I heard her familiar shout out as she came through the front door.

"Hey, Pat gal, you here?"

"Hey, Aunt Lottie," I said as I gave her a big hug. "You look great. You must have had a great time in New Orleans."

"I don't think I better talk about it, because you might want to put it in that stuff you're always writing, and it might not be something people need to read about. Here, I did bring you some things, though." She produced a box of assorted beads, masks and candy coins.

"Well, it looks like you brought a bunch of souvenirs. I hope you didn't spend too much on me," I said as I picked through the package.

"Trust me, gal, I never pay for much of anything. What you want to show me?" she said with that look she gets in her eye when her curiosity is pricked.

I pulled out a sheet of paper where I printed off an article written on AC by Tom Lund, the mystery comment writer who enjoys ripping on AC writers. "I thought you'd like to see what an impression you've made on one of my readers. He says he can't get you off his mind."

Aunt Lottie sat down in the nearest chair and read Tom's article entitled The Hottest Chick in the World! Can I Make Her Mine? "Who is this Tom Lund anyway? I don't know him. Why's he so taken with me?"

"He's one of the people who's been reading my articles about you on the Internet. There's a lot of people that really like you, Aunt Lottie, but Tom's one of your biggest fans."

"Where's he live? I don't see nothing on here about him except all this nonsense up here. He don't live around here, does he? He might be a stalker, you know. I'd hate to have to pull my gun on him."

"No, I don't think so. I really don't think he's dangerous, Aunt Lottie. He just thinks you're one special lady."

"He ain't that guy with the motorcycle, is he?"

"No, I think you're thinking about Snidely."

"Well, I'm kind of flattered that he seems to like me so much, but I'll bet he don't have no money, or else he'd have one of those young gals and wouldn't be chasing after somebody like me. Besides, I ain't looking for no man. I got Fred, and y'all ain't ever seen Fred all riled up. We best not tell him about this Tom person."

"Well, I guess we'll just have to tell Tom that you're already spoken for, and he probably needs to find someone else to fill his waking hours, huh."

"You can tell, Mr. Tom Lund, for me that even though, I'm not interested right now, I'll let him know if I do find myself available again, because, you know, Pat gal, men are kinda' like tires on a car; it don't hurt to have a spare handy for when you need it. Now, let me tell you about me and Fred in New Orleans and the drag queen. I never laughed so hard in my life."