Autism: The Process of Accepting Your Child's Diagnosis

As the mother of three boys with autism, I can understand how difficult it is to receive a diagnosis of Autism for your child. Learning that your child has Autism can be very overwhelming. You probably have a lot of questions, fears and concerns. Maybe you're thinking that the diagnosis has to be incorrect, that there is no way your beautiful and smart child can have Autism.What follows are the universal steps of acceptance applicable to most any type of medical diagnosis. I have taken these steps and applied them specifically to Autism. Even with three kids, each diagnosis was still a process for me with each child. Intellectually understanding these steps does help because it gives you a reference point for your emotions. However, don't expect that you will get through this process quickly. Not only does it take time, but Autism is a collection of disabilities and challenges. You have a long road ahead of you and may come across many turns and new diagnosis. It is my hope and intention that the following will serve as a road map of sorts for your own healing process.

It is important to understand that Autism does not just affect your child but you and your family as well. Give yourself permission to go through the following steps.

Denial

This is not always as black and white as it is sounds. When I first learned about these acceptance steps, I denied that I was in denial! After all, I did not exactly disagree with the diagnosis. In our situation, my oldest son who was originally diagnosed with (NLD) Nonverbal Learning Disability late became diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome which is considered to be a higher functioning disorder on the autism spectrum. I read everthing I could on Autism but focused mainly on Aspergers.

At the time, I did not realize that the two disorders are more similar than they are different. As a result, I was unable to advocate for him as effectively as I could have. I allowed myself to believe along with teachers and doctors that some of his challenges were due to behavior issues. It was only later when my twins were diagnosed with Autism that I realized how wrong I was about many aspects of my oldest son's Autism.

Denial is often the first emotion we run into when first diagnosed with a medical condition. It is often easier to believe that somehow the diagnosis is incorrect or or that different aspects of the health condition do not apply to you and your situation. Some individuals may even take it to the extreme and not believe anyting is wrong with their child at all. Children do not grow out of autism and in spite of what you may hear, there is no cure for Autism. But that is a subject for another article.

In the case of autism you may yourself accept the condition but may have to help others come through this process as well. Your child's teacher and relatives may not agree with the diagnosis. This may be especially true if your child is verbal. It is commonly thought that children with Autism who talk are not struggling with the same challenges as those who are nonverbal. This can not be farther from the truth. In some ways the challenges may appear different but this is because every child who has Autism is unique. The important thing to remember is that your child is an individual and his treatment plan needs to be designed for his paticular struggles. Don't deny your child the treatment he needs because you or others find it difficult to believe his challenges are from autism.

Anger

It is perfectly normal to feel anger. It is very frightening to learn that your child has autism. At first this diagnosis may sound very limiting. You may be wondering if you did something wrong that could have been prevented, or pehaps the doctors could have prevented this from happening. Maybe you have a hard time being around other parents with healthy children . In my situation with my first born I had a very hard time understanding why God would allow me to give birth to such a smart child who struggles to function with daily skills

The first step to coping with this anger is to understand that it is healthy and okay that your feeling angry. Then try to understand where the root of your anger lies. Take out a notebook and write down on one side your fears, concerns and anger and your child's challenges. . On the other side write down your child's strengths. Teach yourself to look for the positive each day. Allow yourself the time you need to adust to your child's diagnosis and then take steps to move forward. Sometimes being angry is how we cope with the feeling of helplessness we may feel or the feelings of guilt we may have inside. This is why it is important to know why we feel angry but at first it is enough to allow yourself to be angry.

Grief

Dealing with grief has been the hardest one for me personally. There are many times that I have experienced a deep sadness with one of the boys. There are times I must admit that I have found myself feeling sorry for myself. It has been such a long journey. My oldest is turning 18 in January and I am still finding times when I want to pull the blankets over my head and not get up. There are still times when I stumble over my words when talking to doctors or other professionals who work with my kids because I am trying not to cry.

Grief is one that often sneaks up behind me. I often go through my days accepting where my children are and have worked through my feelings regarding their challenges and yet there are still time when a deep sadness and or fear will overcome me and I will have to remind myself of just how far they have come and how much potential the future holds for them.

Acceptance

It does take some time to be comfortable with your childs diagnosis. Please realize that you may go through all these steps at different stages of your child's growth. It will become easier each time you go through the process. It may help to remember the days before the diagnosis when you knew something was going on but did not know what . After diagnosis you have the ability to begin treatment programs to help your child. The sooner your able to accept your child has Autism the smoother the process will be.

There will be days that you will be frustrated. Experiencing progress with treatment may take a long time and some treatments won't work. This can be very tiring and challenging. If your able to accept where your child is and your focus is on managing the symptoms and increasing their quality of life instead of trying to save or rescue them from autism, then at that point you will be able to make a stronger difference for you r child

Acceptance will allow you to objectively research autism. You will be able to see the world from your child's eyes . Take care of your emotions and personal struggles with Autism first and come to the path of acceptance. Then you will truly be able to care for and advocate for your child.