Autism and Strangers - Stop Staring at My Child!

As a parent of a child with autism, you may often be faced with people who don't quite know how to react to your child's behavior. Some people may stare, some may whisper or laugh and some may even confront you about it.

Dealing with people is not always easy, especially when you may be frustrated with your child's behavior yourself. I have an 8-year-old son with autism, and I have dealt with the reactions of many strangers, both rude and polite. While you cannot stop people from being rude in general, the way you deal with them can help turn an uncomfortable or awkward situation into a positive one.

According to the Autism Society of America, both children and adults with autism typically show difficulties in verbal and non-verbal communication, social interactions, and leisure or play activities. These social differences often cause these individuals to stand out in a crowd.

My son doesn't look any different from any other child, but sometimes tends be loud or inappropriate. It may just be his laughter, which sometimes seems uncontrollable, even in a setting that should be quiet, like church. Or it may be his echolalia, repeating different words or phrases over and over again. Sometimes, it may be a tantrum or an outburst, perhaps from something in his surroundings that has disturbed or agitated him. For instance, for my son, the sound of a baby crying may send him into a screaming fit, while the sound of an ice cream truck will send him running in terror.

I have had people to "shhhh" my child while I am right there with him, as if their reprimands will discipline him better than I can. Others have made comments about my parenting and/or lack of ability to control my child. Sometimes they will say it when I am out of earshot, unaware that a close friend or family member has heard their comment. I have even had a lady tell me to my face that my child was strange, because he reached for her child in a grocery store. She proceeded to repeat the same thing after I explained to her that he had autism.

Of course, this would make any parent mad! I would be lying if I said behavior like this didn't bother me. However, she wasn't the first or only person who has been rude when it comes to my son, and she won't be the last. As a parent, you have to develop a thick skin for those who choose ignorance over understanding. But you also have to be prepared to be an educator for those who simply don't understand, but are open minded enough to care. I could be rude to everyone who stares and whispers, or I can do what I choose to do most of the time, which is swallow my pride and attempt to educate. People often judge what they don't understand, so I feel at liberty to help them out.

Personally, I would prefer for a person who has questions about my child's behavior to speak up and say something to me rather than make assumptions. Sometimes, if I see that they are paying particular attention to him, I may speak up and start a conversation with them. This gives me the opportunity to explain to the person that he has autism and what it is, so that hopefully when they see another child with a similar behavior pattern, they are more understanding. I have noticed that once the ice has been broken, a lot of people have questions and genuinely want to know more. I have also found that many are reluctant to start the conversation themselves, for fear of offending me.

Of course, there are days when you just may not want to be bothered, and that is completely understandable. You may be tired, frustrated, and not feeling very sociable yourself. And I'll admit, some days I feel like that and skip the autism "lesson of the day." However, you'd be surprised in the difference you may make in someone else's life just by sharing a bit of your story with them.

Some parents may feel that they don't want to educate others about autism. You may feel that it's your child, and you don't owe anyone any explanations. There is a lot of truth in that - you don't owe an explanation to anyone. However, as parents of children with autism, we are doing a service to people with autism everywhere when we educate the public. The more people who understand, the less ignorance we have to face when it comes to people coming