Autobiography of a Fat Woman

I have often wondered why it is that I am fat and other people are not. Sure, it's partly because of choices and lifestyle, but I strongly believe there is more to the equation that that. How come some people can eat and eat and don't seem to gain a pound while simply looking at food makes others of us expand at the waist? Is it all science and determined by metabolism, genetic make-up, and luck of the draw? Or, is it because of some underlying psychological need that is only filled by food (or another addiction in our lives) as "professionals" like Dr. Phil and Oprah want us to believe?

I was born big. I weighed twelve pounds, eight and a half ounces at birth. My poor mother, but I digress... Growing up I was generally always taller and just plain bigger than most people my own age. I think genetics played a part in that, but why did I start to grow fatter while my peers didn't? Did I eat unhealthy food as a preteen and teenager? Of course I did, just like all of my friends did! Did I vegetate in front of the TV and slack off after school? Of course I did, just like all of my friends did. But, why did it affect me in such a dramatic way and not them?

High school was a nice time of torture in my life. It seemed that if you weren't rich and five-one weighing about ninety pounds then you were a worthless whale and shouldn't be at the school with those who deserved to be there. It's always struck me as odd that someone's weight somehow makes them better or worse as a person. Why is that? If I eat too much then I am not worth knowing? Why exactly is that?

Nowadays in the working world I find a similar thinking just like back in high school. I find the politics of working in a group of people, surprisingly, almost as bad as high school was. Having a brain and doing a good job seem to ultimately take a backseat to what you look like, what you wear, what you drive, etc... It's amazing to me that in the year 2006 someone can get, and even worse keep, a job based on their looks and what they own materially in the world, more than on brains and skills.

I once had a doctor suggest that I go see a dietitian to learn what foods to eat to loose weight. I explained to the tiny, petite, physician, that fat people are not idiots; we know what to eat and how to exercise. I pointed out that every magazine in the grocery store has some diet tips and plans in them. I told him that knowing how to diet and exercise and actually doing it seem to be the disconnect in fat people's brains. We know to eat salad and exercise, we just choose not to, or just plain can't, for whatever our reasons are.

I now have children of my own. Thankfully, even though both of their parents are fat, my children are not. I can't explain how that happened but am happy that it did. Living the life of a fat person in today's "ultra-accepting" world sure can be rough. Though, I am sure their peers will find something to tease them about. Oh yeah, I forgot, they tease them because their parents are fat...