Avoid Being Called a Bridezilla

In the past two years, I have been a bridesmaid in two weddings, have helped over ten friends plan their weddings, and was a bride myself this past June (2008.) Not to state the obvious, but a bride makes or breaks a wedding. The whole planning period (whether you have 2 weeks or 2 years) can be one of the best experiences of your life, or it can become a complete nightmare that ends in the destruction of friendships with people you genuinely cared about (pre-wedding planning.) Believe me; I've experienced the wonderful planning times, and I've experienced the worst.

First of all, remind yourself daily that no matter how big of an event this is in your life and no matter how much time you're going to spend on your wedding plans, this is YOUR wedding. This is not your best friend's wedding; this is not your cousin's wedding. Yes, they're going to be excited for you, but they're never going to be truly as stressed out as you are when your florist tells you last minute that a particular flower you had your heart set on is not going to be available this season because of a drought. You may cry; you may think your entire floral plans are ruined; and, you can rant and rave to your loved ones as much as you desire. Just remember that whether they've been through the planning process or not, they're not going to heartbroken like you are; do not get mad at them because of that. Use them as a support tool, but do not get defensive if you think they aren't reacting appropriately.

This is one of those cases where I've been there. I was supposed to be a maid-of-honor in one of those weddings I mentioned being in, but I missed the bridal shower due to an unexpected death in my family. I was caught up with grief and being there for my relatives and honestly forgot to call and tell the bride why I was not going to be there. I was treated horribly from then on; she said I should have called her and never seemed to forgive me. The day of the rehearsal rolled around (after I was ignored over the next few months) and, lo-and-behold, I had been bumped to the end of the bridal party line. We are no longer friends; we went from best friends to nada all because she wouldn't "forgive" me for missing her shower because I lost my cousin. Ladies: please remember that the people you care about that you're involving in your wedding have feelings, too. No matter how much you mean to them, they are going to have other priorities in their lives. It's hard not to become completely wrapped up in your wedding plans, just don't expect everyone else to drop everything all the time for you, too.

Also, remember that things are not going to be perfect (no matter how hard you try) and keep your cool - especially when you're in public. I do not know how many brides I have seen at bridal stores completely flip out at someone working the store. If there is a mistake with your dress - it will get fixed. If there's a typo on your invitations - work through it. Stand there; take a breath; and calm down! I understand completely that you want everything to be perfect, but remember the true meaning behind all of these plans - you're marrying the love of your life. In the long run, it's not going to matter if Uncle Bob's last name is completely missing from the program. That goes for the people that you involve in your planning period, too. If you complain/moan/groan to them the entire time, they're going to be so ready for your day to be over and gone. You want your loved ones to enjoy your special day, too, or you wouldn't have asked them to be a part of it.

Case in point; when I sent my dress off to alterations two months prior to our wedding (under the advisement of the bridal saloon I purchased my dress from), it came back two inches too short. Literally, you could see my ankles under my dress. I just kept reminding myself to stay calm; the story gets even worse (for a bride-to-be that close to her wedding.) They rush-ordered a new dress for me. The dress came in and the bottom of it was completely yellow and the hem was 3-inches too far to the right. It was obvious it had been a dress someone had sent back to the warehouse from being damaged. So, I waited on my third dress to arrive. In the meantime, my bridal photo date was approaching and our wedding was a month out - I was without a dress, entirely. I called the bridal store and explained to them the situation; the manager told me that because I had been so cooperative, I could come in and take the first dress (the one that was too short) and use that one for my bridals since it was going to be damaged out, anyway. I went to pick that dress up, and needless to say, was completely care-free during my bridal session. I drug that sucker through the grass, plopped myself on some train tracks, and ended up getting some beautiful shots that are now being used in my photographer's advertisement portfolio. Soon after, my third dress arrived, alterations were completed in a rush, and everything turned out perfectly. The manager of the store told me mistakes happen all of the time, and the more cooperative a bride is to them, the more helpful they are willing to be with her. If you're completely rude to them, why would they want to go above and beyond their job requirements in order to help you? I know I wouldn't!

So, throughout the wedding planning process, just stay calm. Mistakes are going to be made, but as I said above, just remind yourself that no matter how perfect you want things to be, the main reason of your planning is just leading up to the day when you officially get to become the Mrs. to the man of your dreams. Remember that everyone you involve is going to have differing opinions; take their opinions in to consideration even if you don't think you like the sound of them at first. Most importantly, remember that there are going to be things that go wrong on the day-of your wedding. Just ENJOY your day. Remind yourself that nothing is ever perfect. If you don't, you're going to walk away with some horrible memories instead of remembering it was one of the happiest days of your life. Relax; enjoy your planning period; revel in your wedding day; and most importantly, remember that in the end, you're going to be married - no matter if your cake ends up being the wrong flavor of chocolate.