Avoid the Charmers

I dated a man one time who should have been a comedian on stages around the world. He was so funny. We laughed at everything and he taught me how to look at life through the funny swirly glasses. But after a while, I began to notice that he was incapable of being serious about anything. His grandmother became ill and his inability to handle grief came out. He did not have this very valuable ability. What happened next was the saddest part of all. She passed and he turned to alcohol so that the things in his life would become funny again.

He had the ability to turn off anything that caused him to feel anything but laughter. If he was making others laugh then he did not have to be serious nor did he have to admit he was hurting inside. He always knew what people wanted to hear and the conversations were always focused on the other person to avoid talking about himself and letting anyone in. This charm took him to the top of his class, the president of his fraternity and then into a very lucrative life of sales. The charm was constantly at work.

We hit it off so well because I understood his scense of humor and I loved to laugh. He encouraged me to talk about myself and taught me how to laugh at the things that cause me pain. We got along great until I started to see through the humor into who he was. Funny is great, but it isn't everything. I would start conversations that prompted him to be serious and that was not something he was capable of. He could not charm his way out of uncomforable conversations he would just drink more ad escape into the world that only required him to be funny.

Charm is great and everyone should have the ability to make others feel comfortable in their presence, but the real relationships in our lives need more. Peopl need to be compatible across the board, not just on the surface. This goes for friendships as well as intimate ones. Having someone in your life who always tells you what you want to hear can be tempting but the truth is that the real people and friends will sometimes have to tell you things you might not want to hear. Being with someone who is constantly charming you is creating an unrealistic place for you.