Avoid Feeling Nervous at Networking Events

It is amazing how nervous many people can get before "networking events." You will hear them say how they "hate" business conferences and the like because they are "boring," but what they really mean is they dread them because they are really unsure of how to behave. They know they should be making contacts but they aren't entirely sure how to pull that off. Perhaps they have uncomfortable memories of another such event where they felt awkward and maybe even a tad rejected.

Often, just a few pointers can vastly improve your networking experience.

The very first thing you should do before attending such an event is to review your agenda. What - exactly - do you hope to get out of this event? If you need contacts, then be sure you know why. Don't go in with a vague idea that you simply need to meet people. Know what sort of people you want to meet - perhaps it's even one particular person - and what you need from them.

For instance, a new arts journalist may attend a local drama awards event simply to introduce herself to the arts community. Since she knows she needs to meet all the directors in town, her goal may simply be to shake hands with as many directors as she can that evening, introduce herself and tell these directors she looks forward to working with them in the near future. She will let them know she is interested in any issues they think need to be covered concerning the arts community. After speaking with each, she will give them her card and ask for their contact information.

She has gone to this event with a clear goal in mind - to meet and greet directors. She may or may not leave with an interview, but she will definitely leave with a handful of valuable contacts. She will have broken the ice, so when she gets a story idea the following week and gives one of them a call, it won't be a cold call.

Having an agenda, even one as simple as, "I will introduce myself to three people tonight," will help alleviate that, "What am I doing here?" feeling. A goal will keep you focused and will lead your actions. It will largely prevent you from thinking about your own nervousness.

So that takes care of not knowing what to do. Now there's that dreaded feeling of rejection. What happens if you start a conversation with someone and they don't want to talk to you? What if you simply can't break into any of the clusters of people? What if no one wants to play with you?

If these are the sorts of experiences you're having, chances are, you're simply making some very common mistakes. The biggest mistake people make at networking events, once they get up the courage to start interacting, is persisting in a course of action when it's time to let it go and move on. If a group of people you're trying to join doesn't seem to want an additional member, move on and try someone else. They may simply be a group of old chums who are more interested in catching up with each other than meeting new people at the moment. If you desperately need to make contact with one of them, wait until he or she has left the group, or until the group's body language signals they are ready for additional members, such as when they relax and allow a physical opening to appear. If you happen to be nearby, perhaps they will actually invite you to join. If not, perhaps you can use the, "I couldn't happen but overhear" line. It's a cliché, yes, but its intent is easily recognizable and will signal your interest to join.

If you can't seem to break into groups, it is perfectly permissible to approach people who are standing alone. This may, in fact, be the preferred technique if you need to speak with someone, because you will then have their full attention.

Don't overstay your welcome in a conversation. Once you have accomplished what you need to accomplish - an introduction, getting an appointment, or what have you - exit the conversation. Don't do so abruptly, of course. The polite thing is to simply ease out of conversations after a little more chit-chat, but don't glue yourself to someone's side or allow anyone to glue themselves to yours. Once awkward pauses start cropping up in a conversation, it is generally time to move on. Besides, the goal at these events is to make contact with many people, not to soothe yourself by latching on to one or two.

The trick is to not feel rejected when someone signals that they are ready to move on to the next person, or if they don't seem to want to let you into their group. A networking event is essentially a fishing expedition, not a popularity contest. Use it as an opportunity to try out conversation tactics and networking advice.

The third basic thing you should remember when at a networking event is to simply relax and be as genuine as possible. People can spot a fake. If you're trying to pretend that you're talking to someone because you are enchanted by them, and not because you're there looking for clients or practicing your skills like everyone else, then you will come off as fake. This doesn't mean that you should tell them your deepest secrets or refrain from little lies (like pretending to have to go to the bathroom) in order to move on, but it does mean that you should be honest about the fact that you are there - just like everyone else - because you want to get something out of it. You are there to use people as resources, not to make lifelong friends. That makes some people feel odd, but it's okay. That's what these events are for. That doesn't mean you won't enjoy yourself once you relax and begin to develop confidence.

As with all other activities, you will develop confidence in your ability to work a room at a networking event as you practice more and more, and by having a plan. At the moment, your plan should be to have a goal to accomplish for each event, remember to circulate and to treat the event like an experiment, and to be as genuine as possible. Give these things a whirl at your next event and see if you don't enjoy yourself a little more.