Avoid Oasis Center Involvement with Your Troubled Teenger

Those of us who are experiencing extreme problems with a teenager look desperately for help--there are times when we'd grab almost any helping hand just to get our Teen to revert to the loving, adorable person they used to be. But beware of the assistance offered by the Oasis Center of Nashville.

In her early years, with a mentally and physically ill mother and always working father, our daughter (my step) rarely heard the word "NO" at home. She could follow the rules everywhere else--but at home, even as a youngster, she refused to follow the rules. What did she do when her mother gave her a direct order? She ran out the front door and stayed in the neighborhood until she decided to return home. Her first runaway was at 8 years old. By 13 (the age of her mother's death and her father's meeting the new step a few months later), she recognized no authority in the home. She was a good student, a good athlete, overall a good kid--bright, with a vivacious personality. And at 15, she decided she absolutely would NOT live under rules of the house. She refused to do chores; began a pattern of behavior that included lying, stealing, deceit of all kinds, sneaking boys in the house when we weren't home, and on and on. Eventually, she erupted, got in my face, and then SHE started making false police reports, against both her father and me. So, she ended up at Oasis Center. BAD MISTAKE. VERY BAD MISTAKE. You see, we were under the (false) impression that Oasis Center support was for the FAMILY. WRONG. Oasis Center counselors can see no further than their noses. She could follow their rules, as well as the rules at school (duh--we had already told them that!), so they refused to believe she was deceitful and disobedient and disruptive at home. Uh.. what part of "she's this way at home" do you think they failed to understand???? ALL of it!

What we found was that the counselor wanted to be her best friend; ONLY wanted to discuss what she needed and NOT the behavior that got her there. Wanted to discuss the loss of her mother but NOT the disruptive, unruly behavior. Did losing her mother make her lie and steal? I hardly think so. Do you turn grief on and off at will simply because you don't get your way? I don't think so. But these are the absurd views of the counselors at Oasis Center.

Also, my husband and I found it interesting that 12 kids were in temporary residence there--and ALL of them "only" kids. So, in essence, then, the Oasis Center was a place for spoiled rotten kids to stay for 2 weeks to be coddled---taken to the movies, out to eat, on outings, etc. What does this do? Simply reinforces that their unruly, disruptive behavior earns them no negative effects.

And let's talk about the biggest mistake we made. ALLOWING THE OASIS CENTER PERMISSION TO DISCUSS OUR CHILD'S CASE WITH ANYONE OUTSIDE THE OASIS CENTER. You see, the Oasis Center decided that WE needed to be FORCED--that's right, you heard it first here: FORCED--to let her reside with one of her girlfriend's families. Now, keep this in mind: as parents, we had done NOTHING wrong. All Protective Services investigations pointed to NO ABUSE, NO NEGLECT, NO MISTREATMENT whatsoever. And the Oasis Center went behind our backs and discussed their slanted views with the Children's Services worker to the point that the State was willing to FORCE us to place her outside the home, which we were adamantly opposed to doing. We are not opposed to treatment or a residential facility; we are opposed to rewarding this unruly, disruptive behavior by allowing her to visit with friends for several days. Ultimately, the Oasis Center overstepped their role, the State Children's Services caseworker overstepped her role, and forcing two parents who have done NOTHING WRONG to relinquish a child in the care of someone they feel the child should not be with should be illegal, immoral and completely unethical.

So... if you have a Troubled Teenager, PLEASE DO YOURSELF A HUGE FAVOR: DO NOT INVOLVE THE OASIS CENTER IN ANY WAY.