Avoiding Conflict and Hurt Feelings on Mother's Day in a Blended Family

From the age of ten, I grew up in a blended family. Two of them, if you consider I then had families on both my mom's and dad's sides. I have a mom, a stepmother and two grandmothers, and it's always made Mother's Day a stressful holiday. Before my parents were divorced, it was very simple. We went to my grandmother's on my dad's side, and visited my grandmother on my mom's side. After the divorce, my siblings and I continued going to our grandmothers until feelings were hurt. I'm still not sure what we'll do this year.

Like I said, there are ample opportunities for feelings to get hurt on a holiday like this, when you feel you should be celebrating it with more than one person, especially when the people are on opposing sides of your family. Here are some of the survival tips I figured out for myself over the years.

Don't leave anyone out. That might sound like common sense, but especially for kids who are accustomed to a particular tradition, it's not. Gently remind those who don't realize what they're doing might hurt others. But at the same time, try to give everyone equal time. Don't expect everyone to always be happy with how it's going, just do your best to get along with your family and remember, even though some people come in later rather than sooner, they are still family. If you can't be there, don't forget to call. This is directly related to not leaving anyone out.

Start new traditions. This is especially important in families with kids that have recently gone through something like a divorce. If you're the parents, talk to each other, and to the kids, and find out what everyone would be comfortable doing. Remind the kids that this isn't only hard for them, it's hard for you too. And if you're on the kid end of it, then remember that this is hard for your parents and other relatives too.

Get along. Even if you don't usually get along with stepparents, this is the time to do it. Put aside the grudges and have a nice dinner. Find something to say thank you for. Even if you don't give gifts, a card or something small would be appreciated. Maybe by calling a truce for the day, you both might get some insight as to how to get along for good.

Blended families can make life difficult and complicated when it comes to Mother's Day (not to mention Father's Day), but with some effort, everyone can make it smooth and a bit easier. Just remember, it's a time to appreciate everyone who has a motherly influence in your life; it doesn't have to be limited to Moms, Stepmoms, and Grandmothers.