Avoiding Online Abuse : Dealing with Haters, Flamers, Trolls, Bullies, and Other Mean Posters

My mom bought a Commodore 64 when it first came out, so I got an early start as a computer geek. Now in my early thirties, I've spent a lot of time on the Internet. You can't be active online without coming to know a little bit about Internet bullies. Call these bullies what you want; haters, flamers, or trolls. Personally I just think of them as meanies. I'm talking about people that are looking to be contrary and possibly looking for a fight.

I've read complaints about the Associated Content forums and I've read some really firey posts. The cool thing about the Internet is that gives a venue for free speech. People can say whatever they want. But that can also be a downside. Especially when haters are given free range to drive people away.

But there is hope. Over the years I've participated on some of the most popular and most volatile websites. Like YouTube. And I've found some very effective steps for dealing with Internet bullies.

Rule #1 - DON'T ENGAGE!

For many people this is the hardest rule to follow. If someone puts up a post, a comment, or a reply that is inflammatory the best route is to not say anything. Mean posters want you to reply, so that is the last thing you should do. This doesn't mean you're without recourse, which takes us to our next rule.

Rule #2 - BLOCK USERS!

Most websites that allow users to comment on your posts also have a block user feature. The best reward for someone that is trying to start something with you is to block them. I have a no tolerance policy. I'm pretty clear on the difference between constructive criticism and someone that's launching an attack. And I don't believe in giving someone a chance to attack me twice.

Rule #3 - DELETE!

Most websites also allow you to delete comments. If someone posts an inflammatory comment, I block and then I delete their comment. Some people argue that this is a form of censorship. And you could also argue that in some way's I'm engaging the person by removing what they said. In my mind it's about teaching people how they're allowed to treat me. I'm standing up for myself, without giving them what they want.

Rule #4 - REPORT REPEAT OFFENDERS!

If someone just won't give up, then it's time to seek out help from the Webmaster. If you haven't engaged the person but they keep posting nasty comments or replies, then you have a valid and clear argument of abuse. The problem with responding (ie engaging) to bullies is that it weakens your case of abuse. You're more likely to have a Webmaster dole out punishment (like deleting an account) if you are clearly the victim in the situation.

Rule #5 - AVOID SITES THAT DON'T GIVE PROTECTION!

The only time I avoid using a site is when they offer no protection. Most websites don't have the money or the time to moderate every discussion. They expect us users to moderate ourselves. If they don't offer a way to block users or delete comments, then how am I supposed to protect myself?

IN CONCLUSION

If you're the kind of person that likes a little verbal sparring or debate, then these rules probably won't work for you. Like I said, I have a zero tolerance policy. Conversation is about two people sharing their thoughts. Debate is about arguing the merits of a topic. I love conversation and hate debate.

Most of these rules are similar to the steps we're taught on the playground to deal with bullies. The one thing the Internet has that the playground didn't is that you can effectively escape a situation if the bully refuses to leave you alone. I'd call that a last resort, instead of a rule, because I think there is something to be said about setting a precedent.

If given a choice, I'd rather make a website unfriendly to bullies, than to leave the website myself. All of us users define Internet culture. If we don't let the bullies get away with being mean on our favorite websites, then they'll have to go somewhere else.