Axl Rose and Best Buy Negotiation Transcript Revealed!

Last November, after 14 years in the making, Chinese Democracy was released ONLY at Best Buy.

How did this business deal come about? Well, lucky for you, the sources at Associated Content have spies at every company. One of our moles stole an exclusive excerpt from the negotiation between Axl Rose and a Best Buy executive. Here it is for your reading pleasure.

Best Buy Executive: "Mr. Rose. Best Buy would like to release Chinese Democracy in an agreement where it can only be purchased at our locations."

Axl: "Yowza! You want my album? Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeahhhhh? Then I want you to build an underground lair and a tunnel system to everywhere I feel like traveling, a trip to the moon from NASA, and a bottle of Dr. Pepper for everyone that buys the album. "

BBE: "Agreed. So we have a deal?"

Axl: "What we've got here is a failure to communicate. I've got a Molotov cocktail with a match to go. In addition, I smoke my cigarette with style. "

BBE: "I'm sure you do. Our lawyers will send you the papers."

Axl: "Stop with your double talkin' jive and back off beeeeeyotch! Oooooahhhh! You out ta get me? Don't you cry tonight, I still love you baby!"

BBE. "I see. "

Axl: "I also want you to sponsor my tour. Guns N' Roses will now consist of myself, a monkey who plays steel drums, a bass playing ferret, a muskrat on lead guitar, and an interpretive dancing bear. Halfway through the tour I will change the group's name to Axl and the Animals and then legally change my own name to the chemical symbol for Boron. "

BBE: "Make it so. It seemed to work for Prince. Is there anything else?"

Axl: "I also want Color Me Badd as the opening act, I will begin all my concerts at 1 AM, and I already know I will not even show up for the dates in Chicago, New Jersey, and Jacksonville. On stage I will wear a space suit and a technicolor dream coat."

BBE: "I would expect nothing less. Please take the 5 million I brought in my briefcase, the keys to my car, and my wife. We have a deal, Axl?

Axl: "Please call me Teddy. Now, let's take your credit card to the liquor store! Remember, that's one for you and two for me. "

There you have it. It all makes sense now.

** Disclaimer: This article is a parody. Hopefully you've figured this out since it's under the "humor" section. AC has not interviewed Axl and we don't really know if he has a guitar playing muskrat. However, we're pretty sure this transcript is not too far off from reality.

For reviews of Chinese Democracy, click on the following links:

Appetite for Deconstruction

Use Your Delusion

Welcome to the Bungle