Baa Baa Black Sheep: How to Deal with a Problem Child

Parents often complain about the so-called "black sheep" of the family who always ends up causing trouble for others and for himself. His teachers and his classmates complain about his tardiness and the pranks he pulls on them. He bullies his playmates and starts fights. Neighbors compare him with his brothers and sisters who seem to demonstrate favorable behavior. Parents nag him to change his attitude, but he is oblivious to what they say.

We are talking of a typical problem child. And how to deal with a problem child may be a challenge!

While it is difficult to deal with a problem child, parents can do something to help him change his bad attitude and behavior. Who else can support him but his family?

First of all, don't call him a "problem child" or a "black sheep." Sure he is causing the family truckloads of problems, but no person deserves to be branded as such. Calling him a problem child will only reinforce the negative values in him. We don't want him to internalize that he is indeed a problem child. We want him to change for the better.

Everything happens for a reason. Your child is doing what he is doing because of a certain reason. He may be resorting to rebellious acts because of a negative experience he had. He may be bullying his playmates because someone is bullying him at home. Trace the roots of his actions, and then help him deal with it.

Do not push him away. It's an all too familiar scenario. The child commits a mistake, and then the parents get mad and treat him like an outcast. Instead of driving him away, show him that you care and you are willing to give him another chance if he wants to change. Do not withdraw your support at a time he needs it the most.

Listen to what he has to say. Problems usually occur when a child feels that his parents are not giving him enough attention. When he feels unnoticed, unloved, and unappreciated, he looks for ways to catch his parents' attention. He believes that by creating trouble, he will surely get the attention he craves. Open your lines of communication. Talk to them. More importantly, listen.

Don't compare him with siblings and other children. Every child has his own personality. Although you sometimes feel that one of your children possesses better attributes than the rest, don't rub it in. Children have feelings, too, and they get hurt when they are compared with other children. Instead of harping on his weaknesses, look for his strengths and praise him for it.

Reassure him that you will always be there whatever happens. Every so often, let your child know that you love him unconditionally in spite of his faults and shortcomings. Don't be afraid to hug, kiss, and reach out to your child.