Baby-Boomer: Slow Down, I Can't Keep Up

I will admit it. I have no clue as to what is going on anymore. I still think that a blackberry is something you put in muffins. Today, everyone writes in some cryptic language that I don't recognize as English or any other language. It's a combination of letters and numbers and acronyms which, I'm told, makes writing easier and faster. I've deciphered cryptic puzzles faster than I've read some e-mails that I've received. I appreciate people trying to make me use my brain to figure out this gibberish, but I prefer to play "Wheel of Fortune", or "Jeopardy", thank you very much.

I have a cell phone that I only use to talk to people. I don't send text messages, nor do I receive them, I don't believe. And, if I do get text messages, I don't know how to access them, and I don't want to. There was a time when there were "party lines". The phone line was shared by various families. Before you could make a call, you would pick up the receiver and make sure no one else was using the phone. Usually you didn't even know the people you shared it with. Having a "private line", i.e., a line that only you had access to, was a status symbol, as they were more costly. The receiver was large enough to balance on your shoulder with your head so your hands could be free to do dishes, iron, or any other chore that needed to be done within 6 feet of the phone. (If you needed to go further, you would move the phone as far as the line would allow, and stretch the cord as far as it would go. You could actually dust a whole room if the lines were long enough.) You could make free local calls, and long distance cost more. Now, the whole phone is so small that they fit in the palm of your hand, leaving your options for multi-tasking limited. There are so many rules regarding your phone use, I find it mind-boggling. Free calls to your network, free minutes, charges for minutes over the limit, Internet access, television shows, movies. It's a phone! If I want to watch T.V., I'll go in the living room.

TV's have gone through an incredible transformation. Just having a TV was very cool. There were 3 stations that you could watch if you had some type of antenna. There were antennas that were on the roof which required someone to manually adjust, especially in inclement weather. There were also "rabbit ears" which were attached to the TV indoors and the dipoles (that's what those things are called) formed a V. They were often turned and moved forward and backward to bring in the best picture. There was also the "wire hanger" antenna, which was a wire hanger attached to the TV instead of the more expensive antennas. These worked surprisingly well! The screens were small, and TVs had tubes. When there was something wrong with the TV, the tubes were all removed and taken to a store to check to see which one was bad. It was always a good idea to tag the tubes so you knew where to put them once the culprit was identified. There wasn't a more disheartening sight than a TV with the back removed and your dad kneeling behind it with a bag full of tubes next to him. The huge screens and the "high definition" of today makes it appear as if the person you're watching is just 6 feet away from you. If I wanted Conan O'Brien or anyone else in my living room, I'd invite them over for dinner.

Growing up, practically everyone had a neighbor "from the old country." My "old country" was Poland. There were so many people in my neighborhood, relatives included, who couldn't speak English, only Polish. We didn't speak Polish in my house, so I never understood what these people were talking about. There was a particular neighbor who was from the "old country." Occasionally, when we were playing, we would hit or throw a ball into her yard. We didn't dare go into her yard to retrieve it, and she would come out and yell something at us. We were pretty sure that it wasn't a term of endearment, or a neighborly, "Hello". She would pick up the ball and take it into her house and we'd never see it again. Now, with all of the new technological advances in televisions, any language can be translated by a click of a button, and subtitles will appear on the screen, allowing you to read it a language that you understand. I had to request English. I thought I knew and understood English, so much so that I once considered being an English teacher. But now, I'm not sure. Even with the subtitles I don't know what people are talking about. I happen to live next door to a young man in his early twenties. Apparently things have gone full circle. I couldn't understand my neighbor then, and I can't understand my neighbor now.

I don't mind getting old. It certainly beats the alternative. But everything advances so quickly anymore that people can't keep up and they get frustrated. I fear that if the world keeps moving at this pace people won't have to worry about wars, they'll just self-destruct. Spontaneous combustion. Poof! People going out in a real blaze of glory. Has modern technology helped the human race? I'm not sure. I do know that I have turned into that person that I used to ridicule. The old crony who doesn't have the modern technological gadgets and doesn't even know that they are necessities in this modern world. You get the picture, the world has changed, but I haven't. And you know what? I don't care.