Babysitting Dillema: What to Do when You Are Treated as a Live-In Babysitter

Q: I am over the age of 20 and still living at home while I attend school. I have 3 siblings - all under age 10 - and my parents expect me to baby-sit them anytime they want to go out. While I don't mind being available some of the time, it seems like they expect me to be around all of the time. The babysitting has gotten so out of control that my grades and attendance are suffering. What can I do to convince my parents that I am really not a live-in baby-sitter?

A: It was a common occurrence for children to stay home when they were not attending school away from home. Anytime they were home they were expected to help with family chores and watching the younger children while the parents worked or performed civic duties. Once the child was through with their education they were able to leave home and start their own families in their own homes. Children often left home to attend school, most often the best schools were not within an easy distance of these homes, and would only be home to help with the household during vacations or breaks. Hence spring break (to help with planting) and summer vacation (to help tend the fields and the harvest in the fall), and of course Christmas Break to help with the gift baking and family feasts. Of course, nowadays, most students are unable to afford to leave home to go to school and choose to attend a college close by. Depending on how your household is run and the terms for living at home you may or may not be in the right with your demands.

First of all you need to have a sit down with your parents. While you should be expected to help out around the house, your grades should not be suffering for it. There is a limit to what should be expected of you. Have a game plan and sit down with your parents. Give them a copy of your school schedule, when you expect to need time to yourself to study, and then give them a few blocks of time that you can dedicate to babysitting. This way they have a complete copy of your schedule, and they can arrange their "playtime" during specific times that you know you will be available.

If they insist that is not enough you may need to take more drastic measures. You may find that you cannot come home to study, but take your books and materials to the school or local public library. If you are not conveniently home they cannot take off and expect you to baby-sit. If you have a cell phone make sure they know it is for emergencies only - like someone is going to the hospital or a vehicle has broken down and your help is needed. If they continue to call and ask you to come home to baby-sit gently remind them if it isn't an emergency that you have school work to do, and that takes precedence. Whatever the outcome of all else, your school needs to come first. Maybe it is time to consider a job and move out?

You did not specify your terms for living in your parent's home. For my family it was as long as you are going to school full time you live for free, or you paid rent and worked full time proving that you were putting away at least 10% of your income into savings. If you are paying rent to live at your parents - even while going to school - then you have every right to say, "I can't baby-sit today." If you are living for free then you need to consider what your parents are putting out to support you and if you are giving back appropriately. Personally, just that you are attending college, as long as you provide some time you can be available that should be enough. Be sure to help out with some cleaning and maintenance of your parent's home as well and maybe your parent's won't find so much need to be away from home. You can also offer to take your siblings out of the home for an hour or so, go to a park or a movie, to give your parents some time without them at all. If the babysitting is so out of hand it may be that your parents just need to get away - and you are conveniently there to let them. Get yourself out, get your siblings out once in awhile, and I think you will find that a lot of your babysitting headaches will ease quickly.