Bachelor Brad & My February 28th Episode Observations

Let me just say this from the get go. I don't see the connection between dangerous wild animals and romance. That being said, Bachelor Brad decided, or maybe it was the producers who decided, that it would be a good idea to take the three remaining ladies to South Africa for the fantasy date portion of the show. Even though the girls all expressed how much fun this was, I find it hard to believe they were being totally honest. Fantasy dates? Hardly. I felt especially bad for Chantal. Let me explain.

Each date started with the girl standing in the wilds of South Africa, waiting for Brad to show up. Chantal saw Brad approach and laughed when she saw the dorky safari hat on his head. I burst out laughing too, how about you? Anyway, I guess Brad thought this was sexy attire for the jungle. It was not.

Instead of a beautiful, air-conditioned limo to whisk her away somewhere fabulous, Brad arrived in a little safari vehicle that included a picnic basket, complete with the required wine bottle. Luckily the vehicle was driven by someone else, who carried a large rifle. Hopefully that rifle had either real bullets or at least heavy duty tranquilizer darts or something. Along their safari ride, which was a wide open vehicle by the way, they saw a group of lions just lounging in the grass. I would have been very nervous. Further along, the giraffes looked funny chewing on flowers at the top of some tall plants.

Finally Brad and Chantal made it to their destination and stopped by a river to do the picnic thing. Unfortunately, there was a huge hippopotamus in the water right behind them. Brad and Chantal were trying to have a heartfelt discussion about stuff like love and chemistry, all the while shooing away assorted flying insects, but Chantal kept looking over her shoulder with a little bit of fear, wondering if the hippo would come charging at them. Luckily it didn't. Their picnic ended with a great big kiss, while the hippo made loud ugly snorting noises in the background. Like I said, was this suppose to be romantic? I think not. It gets worse. Much worse.

Since Chantal is totally into Brad, and isn't afraid to tell him, she readily agrees to stay overnight with him in the fantasy suite. And this is the part where I felt really bad for Chantal. Brad takes her by the hand and they start walking. If it was me, this would be the point where I'd be looking around for that plush limo that would whisk us away to a beautiful room with no bugs and a hot shower and maybe some air conditioning. But no. Brad takes her to a real tree house. My heart sank for her. Chantal did the required squeal of delight, but I just know she wasn't happy. It was a real tree house. It was wooden and it was up in a tree, but with a bed in it. A few scattered rose petals on the sheets couldn't change this scene into something romantic. Oh it had a little mosquito netting around it, but I hardly think it would have kept out many insects. And most importantly, where the hell was the bathroom? I didn't see any. Was Chantal suppose to climb down from the tree house in the middle of the night to go find a large bush to hide behind to pee? Or maybe the thoughtful producers provided a porta-potty that we didn't see on camera. I don't care, that's not romantic either. I don't know how Chantal survived that fantasy date. I would have not been a happy camper.

Brad's date with Emily was next. And once again, we see Emily standing in the middle of forestry, waiting for Brad to show up. Once he does, he tells her to wait a minute, which she does. Again, I'd be waiting for the limo to come driving through the trees to pick me up, but instead, Brad shows up on an elephant. Emily said she always wanted to do that. She's a better woman than me.

Emily and Brad always seem to have a nice time together, however Brad always looks so nervous. It's almost like he knows very well that she's out of his league, and he's trying his best to act like he's up for the part of her beau. But he can never quite get there. He mumbles something to her about missing her daughter. Yeah right, Brad. We remember how comfortable you looked around her daughter. So comfortable, that you couldn't even kiss her mother when she was tucked up in bed upstairs. Remember that? So during the date, Emily tries her best to tell Brad how strong her feelings are for him, but the words just don't seem to want to come out of her mouth. She did accept the overnight fantasy date, however I just imagined Brad having to endure several more hours of sweating and trying to be more suave than he really is.

The final fantasy date was with Ashley. It started out sort of okay, but ended up being a train wreck. There was Ashley, waiting for Brad amongst the wild grass and gnats, when he finally appeared. Requisite squeals ensued as only Ashley knows how to do, and Brad takes her by the hand and they go for a walk. Again, I'd be swiveling my head all around looking for the limo to take us back to a swanky hotel, but instead there's one lone little helicopter just sitting there in the tall grasses. Ashely gasps in fear and mockingly runs away for a minute, because seriously, that was the last thing she wanted to do. But given she's on the Bachelor and there are probably fifty-seven cameras watching her, she was a good sport and got in the helicopter with Brad.

Actually, the scenery they saw was really beautiful. I know I would have been scared to death being in a helicopter riding through there, but it probably would have been worth it. And that pretty much ended the good portion of Brad and Ashley's fantasy date.

Their conversation went from bad to worse. Brad was trying to figure out if Ashley was more interested in her career or in starting a life with him. And it was pretty clear that Ashley was a very driven girl who just might have a bit of a problem trekking off to Austin with him. So the mood was definitely getting darker by the minute. Not even the wine was helping. So Brad still had to give her that card to see if she would stay overnight with him in the fantasy suite, and she said yes. They all say yes. But I would imagine their evening didn't go all that well.

I have to hand it to Brad though. What he did on rose ceremony night showed a lot of class on his part. It was evident that he would be keeping Chantal and Emily around, and that it was the end of the line for him and Ashley. Instead of following through with the rose ceremony, he took Ashley aside and as kindly as he could, said goodbye to her. I thought that was admirable and considerate of Brad to handle things that way. Yes, I'm actually giving Brad a compliment. He deserved one for that.

Ashley still looked heartbroken as she got in the limo. At that point, I think I'd be thinking that FINALLY a limo is picking me up so I could get out of this animal and bug infested wilderness, but that's just me. I think Ashley was a little bit relieved that she could go back to her first love which was the pursuit to be a dentist. She was not ready for what Brad is looking for right now.

To me, it seems pretty clear that the last girl standing will be Chantal. Brad owns a bar in Austin, Texas, and I can totally see Chantal packing all her stuff and moving to Austin and hanging out with him at his bar and loving every minute of it. They make a great couple, in my opinion. Emily, on the other hand, would probably be home with her daughter, waiting for Brad to come home every night. Hanging out in a bar doesn't seem to be her style. So I'd say the choice is clear. So now we have to wait two weeks to find out for sure. At least everyone is finally out of the jungle and back in civilization. Can you tell I'm not an outdoorsy kind of woman? I'd last about two seconds on a safari.