Back Home in Malta

To me, any flight that lands safely is fantastic, a miraculous occurrence. I don't care about the food, the cramped space, someone in front of me with flatulence, crying babies (OK, I'm lying at this point). All I care about is that it landed-safely.

But I was nervous on this flight. There was a family--a man, his 20-something son, his wife and two girls, probably in their teens. The three women were veiled completely except for their eyeballs.

On the plane-sitting right across from me in the next aisle, they seemed perfectly fine-until the man wouldn't turn off his mobile (cell phone) when the plane was taking off. Two flight attendants came over to tell him to turn it off. He would stop his call (or whatever he was doing with it) and then put it in his carry-on bag. As soon as they left, however, he had it out again and was using it.

As the plane started taxiing for take-off, I got very panicky and leaned over to the man and reminded him that he had to turn it completely off. He agreed, but didn't turn it off.

The passenger next to me-a young German woman-placed her hand on my shoulder and told me it would be OK.

As the plane took off, I was praying hard and kept hyperventilating for about 30 minutes until I saw the man fall asleep.

So....the plane ride back to Malta was OK. It landed safely.

Now that I'm back, I'm really feeling the effects of jet lag. I'm also feeling a little down, knowing I won't see my girls for six months. If I was back in the States, I would see them sooner than that for sure. But certainly, I wouldn't see them everyday the way my former in-laws can see their kids (because they all live in NYC). It's pretty much the same in Malta. Families live near each other all their lives. A few leave the island, but most don't.

I keep trying to justify things. Is it better to live close by and risk getting sick of each other? Is is better to live far apart and miss each other?

And the best scenario-something in between-how often does that happen?

I guess I have to stop questioning and accept that moving to Malta is what I chose to do at this time-and that it's OK. It's OK to feel sad now, it's OK to question things sometimes--and it's OK to feel it's OK.

Ilene Springer is author of An-American-in-Mala.com