Back to School: What to Do If Your Child is Labeled a Troublemaker

The new school year presents many challenges for your children. They will mostly likely be adjusting to new teachers, new classrooms, new rules, and new classmates. The schoolwork itself will present new concepts too. There will be new and different things to learn, new routines, and most likely more homework. As your children begin their new classes, in spite of everyone's good intentions, some parents will hear bad things. Perhaps it will be a note or a call from the teacher explaining some wrongdoing your child has done. Perhaps your child himself will tell you that he got in trouble. Most students get in trouble at sometime or other. We all make mistakes. But what if this becomes an ongoing problem? What can you do if you are afraid that your child is being labeled a troublemaker at school? Here are some tips and techniques for dealing with that situation.

Talk to the teacher. If you think your child is in danger of being labeled the class troublemaker, the first thing you should do is talk to the teacher. Ideally you should meet with her face to face, and do more listening than talking. Make sure to take a nonjudgmental, non-defensive stance at this point. Your goal is to gather information. Maybe the situation is not as bad as you think. If most of your information has come from your child, there is a chance that he is overreacting. Tell the teacher that you are worried about the situation, and listen to her opinion. This will give you a chance to feel out if your child is actually causing problems in class, or if he is getting in trouble inappropriately, or if he just may be a bad fit with this particular teacher.

Talk to your child. After you have spoken to your child's teacher, and have a good idea of what is going on from the teacher's perspective, talk to your child. Once again, do more listening than talking and make sure to have a nonjudgmental attitude. Your goal at this point is to find out how your child feels about the whole situation. Children do not usually like being troublemakers. School can breed a feeling of powerlessness in our children, especially if the situation is a bad fit for the particular child. Sometimes kids just give up. When a child is in trouble over and over again, he may feel that there is no use trying anymore to do the right thing.

Also try to figure out why there is a problem. Obviously asking your child why they are doing things that are resulting in problems is probably not going to get the answer you are looking for. You will need to think outside the box and listen between the lines. Talk not only about the problem but about the school day as a whole. Is the work too hard or too easy? If the work is too hard, your child may be frustrated at repeated failures. If the work is too easy, your child might be bored. Is your child getting hungry between meals? Does he have enough time to be active? Is he overtired? All of these can be clues to the root of the troublemaking behavior. Even if your child was fine last year, a new environment can trigger problems, and don't forget that we all change as we get older.

Brainstorm solutions. Do not underestimate the importance of doing something if you feel there is a real problem. Once a child is labeled a troublemaker, even by just one teacher, it is very difficult to lose the label. Discipline problems are seen by many as one of the biggest problems in our schools today. Unfortunately, the students often get most of the blame. If your child is getting in trouble on a regular basis, even if it feels like little things and only happens in the classroom, chances are it will escalate if you do not step in and take action.

Make a list of possible solutions. It is OK to seek out ideas from the teacher and your child, but both may be too close to the problem to come up with things that will really help, especially if they just don't get along. If your child is having a problem with hunger or lack of sleep, provide snacks if allowed, or consider bigger breakfasts and lunches. Facilitate more sleep at home with earlier bedtimes, morning routines that allow for later waking, or naps. Even seven and eight year olds may benefit from after school naps, if night time sleep is compromised. If you really feel the problem is the teacher, consider requesting a class change. Note, parents who request class changes are often viewed as troublemakers themselves, but it is your responsibility to do what is best for your child.

Make your list as long as possible. The right course of action may not be the thing you think of first. Maybe your child needs a class with more active times. Maybe your child needs more activity and more time to let loose at home! Maybe your child is overscheduled and needs more downtime. Perhaps you need to change active after school care for a sitter at home. If the work is too hard, consider tutoring. Professional tutoring may not be necessary. It could be that just explaining a few things to your child a couple of times a week is all that he needs. Not every kid learns well in large group settings. If the work is too easy, check out your district's gifted program. You can also talk to the teacher about finding interesting things for your child to do when he is bored with the lessons.

These suggestions are only the tip of the iceberg. Ideally you will be looking at your particular situation and coming up with unique solutions that will work for your child. You know your child best and are in the best place to help. As a last resort, you may want to consider switching schools or homeschooling, even if only for a year. Your child deserves a comfortable environment, and your child's future may be at stake.

Never stop supporting your child. Throughout this whole process, remember that your child is the most important thing. Do not stop supporting him. Teachers often complain that parents support their children over the teacher, but the truth is you are ultimately the one responsible for your child's well being. Do not give up. If you truly listen to your child, you will be able to come up with a solution that will work for all of you. Back to school time can be exciting, but it is also a time of anxiety for many. Work hard to make your family's transition as smooth as possible, and you will be able to look forward to a great year ahead!