Backing Down, Breaking Rules and Other Common Parenting Mistakes

It's so hard to raise kids in a world where just about anything goes. As parents, we want to be caring, supportive, helpful and attentive to the specific emotional, physical, and spiritual needs of our children. At the same time, we need to be the source for wisdom and discipline for our kids. In my opinion, parents have the most critically important job on the planet.

Some of us had good examples of what a parent should be and how a parent can successfully raise children in just about any circumstances. Others didn't have such s fine example of what parents should be. Rather, those parents were often just trying to get through life, maybe had a number of personal, medical, or even psychological challenges. Parenting was something that was thrust upon them. Good parenting skills are learned from good parents, or from others who have been successful parents. Good parents learn from the successes, challenges, and mistakes of other parents. Here are a few common parenting mistakes and how to avoid them.

Big Parenting Mistake Number One - Make a Threat and Back Down

When I was just a young 10 years old, I would sometimes spend time with my cousins at our grandmother's house in California. We called her Nana, and she was the sweetest and meanest grandma ever. Well, she was the sweetest grandma anyway. You see, she never could really come down on us when we got into trouble. Nana made threats and promised justice and pain would rain down on us if we crossed the line. But it never happened.

Nana was good at making threats but never followed through on any of them. After the first time, we all knew we could do just about anything we wanted when Nana was watching us-and we did just that. As a parent now, I know that if I make a threat, I need to be able to back it up 100 percent and act on it quickly, decisively. If you want to be an effective parent, don't make threats with which you won't follow through. That's the surest way to get your kids to never listen to you or take you seriously again.

Consider carefully, make a threat, follow through, never back down. Give a stern and serious warning with a promised and immediate consequence if the bad behavior continues. For example, if a child won't stop riding their bicycle in the street, tell the child if they ride in the street again, the bicycle will be taken away and locked up for a day. If it happens again, follow through once more until the undesirable behavior stops. The child will soon get the message that you mean what you say and they will stop riding the bicycle in the street.

Big Parenting Mistake Number Two - Break Your Own Rules

This is such a vital lesson for parents to learn because kids are just like little video cameras recording everything they see and hear their parents doing. At my house, part of growing up was following the house rules and the number one house rule was that we never tell a lie. One day, I remember my dad telling us to inform a caller on the telephone that he was not currently at home when he was sitting right there in the room.

Guess what message we kids got from that single incident? That's right, we figured that it was OK to lie in some situations. The problem was, as kids, we were unable to discern when it was OK to tell a lie. Kids are mimics and will pick up all the bad behaviors of their parents. With our kids, my wife and I are very careful to make rules that we can follow as well as the children. Breaking your own rules only tells your kids that it's OK to break the rules.

Big Parenting Mistake Number Three - Lose Your Temper

Again, your kids are watching every move you make, every reaction to every situation and person. I'm reminded of a time a few years ago when I was a young parent of a toddler. My daughter was just three years old and went just about everywhere with me seated in the car seat in the back of our car. For many months, she was witness to my fits of fist-clenched rage and issuance of loud, angry edicts against slower drivers who were in my way.

One cool day, we drove into the local drive-thru at our favorite fast food restaurant. The day was cool and so I rolled all the windows down in the car. There were about three other cars ahead of us in the drive-thru that day. Those drivers were in our way. Guess who started yelling words for which she didn't even know the meaning and angrily shaking her fist at those cars ahead of us? It was none other than my three year old, just doing what she saw her daddy doing on the freeway. Lesson learned. Never, never lose it in front of your kids.

Are you a perfect parent who has made no mistakes. Well. I'd love to meet you sometime. It must be lonely in that perfect parent club. No parent is perfect but we do get a fresh start each and every day with our kids. Decide that you'll be a better parent today. Remember that you are creating people that will go out into the world. Be sure you are doing your best to equip them well.

Sources:

Parenting.com; 8 Discipline Mistakes Parents Make

ParentCoachPlan.com; Recognizing Common Parenting Mistakes