Bad Movie Review 20 - The Butchers

This little turd-burger can be rented under not one, not even two, but four different titles! Genesis Home Video, our favorite company who guarentees the worst of the worst, has it under the name, The Butcher (despite the opening credits calling it "Maxie"). It was also known on television as "Murderer's Keep", and in 2005, Troma released it as, "The Butchers".

The box actually boasts some well-known names, like Talia (Rocky, The Godfather) Shire and Vic (Mel on the show, Alice) Tayback. Too bad their presence couldn't save this movie.

K.T. Baumann plays Maxie, a deaf-mute girl who is mistaken for a little boy because of the way she dresses. The first twenty minutes of the film looks a lot like the Scott Baio/Jody Foster opus, Bugsy Malone, with everything looking like the 1940s. Tayback is a butcher whom everyone loves. His meat is well known all over town (pun intended), and he happily slices the choicest cuts with his retarded assistant.

One day, Maxie happens to see something she shouldn't have. It turns out that Tayback gets his beef not from a cattle farm, but from the local morgue. That's right, he's selling Steve-chops, leg-of-Mike, and Andy-burgers. Tayback and his little buddy know that she has seen everything, and try to silence her forever.

It actually sounds like a pretty good movie (I have a warm place in my heart for cannibal flicks), but trust me when I say it isn't. The film is has an orange tint throughout, the lighting is terrible, and the whole thing has a "made for TV movie" feel about it. There's no cursing, nudity, gore, or even action. It's a big bore-fest that'll have you reaching for the remote control faster than Lindsay Lohan would her car keys after 15 Long Island Iced Teas.

BIG CHEESE AWARD to Vic Tayback, for playing something other than a loudmouthed, scary, psychotic cook. He's playing a loudmouthed, scary, psychotic butcher.

BIG CHEESE AWARD to Talia Shire, for making something less watchable than Godfather Part 3.

BIG CHEESE AWARD to that retarded assistant, for taking Tayback's abuse and beatings with a grain of salt, and not once saying "Kiss my grits!".

BIG CHEESE AWARD to Genesis and Troma, who market this movie with the false information that Maxie is played by Talia Shire. She really has a cameo as Sandy, a therapist.

I give this choice cut of prime crap one and a half cheeses.