Bad Parenting Advice Evaluated

I have heard a plethora of terrible parenting advice lately. Everywhere I go I am encountered with headlines, well meaning neighbors and advertising which is supposed to instruct me on the path to perfect parenthood. I am disturbed when I hear or read things like, "You can't expect your child to share until he's 4" or, "Don't use the word 'no' with you're child, it's just too negative." I've even heard, "If your child is talking back, you should just walk away." I can't believe that people who believe things like this are actually writing books! And the books are selling!

With the rise of concern for "self-esteem" and "positive parenting" it seems the parent of the past: who was at least respected and obeyed, is fading into the dark night. In the place of that authoritative figure we now have a weak-minded, fledgling parent who is always wondering, "Am I doing something wrong? Does my child feel appreciated enough? Am I being too negative? Am I damaging her self-esteem? Am I affirming her enough?" On and on it goes. The 21st century parent resembles a child himself, groping around, trying coordinate his awkward limbs to accomplish his task.

I am not saying that parenting is easy. I am a parent myself and I know that it is hard, hard work. Parenting has changed from being a sort of "common sense" approach, (i.e. My three year old is bullying and taking toys away from that other kid, I'm going to take the toy away and tell him what he did was wrong) to a completely nonsensical, jumbled, sporadic mess (i.e. My three year old is bullying and taking toys away from that other kid, he's probably doing it because he's tired. Or could he be hungry? What time is it? "Oh, honey, remember to share." The child keeps the toy and starts to cry, "It's OK, come here." To the other parents present, "He's just tired, he's only like this when he's tired." The child screams, "The toy is mine!" You affirm, "Yes, the toy is yours, but we need to share." All the while you do not take the toy away, you do not establish your authority and you accomplish nothing.)

Where has all of this affirming and excuse making gotten us? We have grocery stores full of kids screaming at the checkout lane, arcades full of children demanding more money from their parents, classrooms full of kids who will not listen or comply and homes full of frustrated parents counting the days until their monster children turn 18.

My plea is a simple one: Can we please enter the realm of parental common sense? You are the parent, you make the rules. When your child obeys you, praise him and encourage him. When he disobeys, tell him what he did was wrong (and no, you shouldn't be afraid to use that word). Use appropriate, loving measures to correct or discipline your child. Don't be afraid that you'll crush your child's spirit by teaching him right and wrong at a young age. Look past the excuses and determine to parent in a meaningful way.