Balm Scare - DFW Airport Shut Down Due to Bad Pronunciation

DFW, the Dallas/Fort Worth International Airport and Cultural Center, closed down for two hours today in response to what the Transportation Security Administration is calling "a misunderstanding." Initial reports indicated DFW had suspended operations due to inclement weather. It was later learned the airport underwent a total lockdown as a result of an inadvertent security breach.

At 7:07 this morning, while passing through security, a Peoria bound traveler was heard allegedly using one of the TSA's red-flag words. Mr. Lester T. Garibaldi, a resident of Bartonville, Il, reportedly said the word "bomb," clearly and without remorse. The blasphemy was overheard by witnesses, including several TSA officials, prompting the closure of the Security Checkpoint, and suspension of flights. Mr. Garibaldi, his wife and a handful of hapless travelers in their vicinity were taken into custody.

According to officials, Garibaldi was uncooperative at first, though this was likely due to confusion. As matters began to degenerate toward strip searching, it was finally revealed that what Mr. Garibaldi said was, balm, not bomb.

"I was asking my wife for lip balm. She always has some in her bag." announced a shaken Mr. Garibaldi to reporters following his release. A TSA spokesperson later confirmed the lip-balm story. An apology was issued, though the TSA accepts no responsibility and cautions travelers to use proper diction while passing through security.

When asked why a simple mistake required closing the entire airport, officials cited difficulties they encountered in determining motive and grammatical correctness. "Mr. Garibaldi had no problem saying calm, palm and qualm, but when it came to balm, there were inconsistencies. Yes, the L is silent, but it sure sounds like he's saying bomb."

An estimated 160 outbound flights had to be canceled. One witness to the event who was going to miss his connection in Phoenix observed, "He should just say "ChapStick" like everyone else?"